A Simple Guide for Behavior

Don't pick on people, jump on their failures, criticize their faults - unless, of course, you want the same treatment. That critical spirit has a way of boomeranging. It's easy to see a smudge on your neighbor's face and be oblivious to the ugly sneer on your own. Do you have the nerve to say, "Let me wash your face for you," when your own face is distorted by contempt? It's this whole traveling road-show mentality all over again, playing a holier-than-thou part instead of just living your part. Wipe that ugly sneer off your own face, and you might be fit to offer a washcloth to your neighbor.

Don't be flip with the sacred. Throwing around the "right answers" with a shallow heart give no honor to God. Don't reduce holy mysteries to slogans. In trying to be relevant, you're only being cute and inviting sacrilege.

Here is a simple, rule of thumb guide for behavior: Ask yourself what you want people to do for you, then grab the initiative and do it for them. Add up the word of God and the natural moral code and this is what you get.

But why... is your god better than any other?

Q: It seems like what you're saying is "my god's better than your god" when the reality is no god's better then any god. If people weren't so infatuated with a relationship with some magical all-knowing being, they would concern themselves with their relationships with other people and themselves. Why are you even telling me this, what's in it for you?

A: I'm not saying my God is better, I'm saying my God is God. If I say I'm 25, but you say I'm 22, can we both be right? No. To say that no god is better than any other is like saying I can be both 22 and 25 simultaneously. Two opposing "truths" can't both be true.

It's because I love God that I love other people. The love that the world shows is very shallow, very conditional love. The only way we can even know what love really is (unconditional, undeserved, self-sacrificial) is by knowing the Lord. I forgive much because I have been forgiven of an infinite amount. So in terms of concerning myself with relationships, I absolutely do. And it all flows out of the divine love that I've been given.

I'm telling you this out of that love. I don't know you, I don't know your past or your mind or your heart or even how many hairs you have on your head, but God does. My love for you is because He first loved me.

I know who I was before I knew Him and I shudder at how lost I realize now I had been. We are all broken, we all need a savior. We have one. I know Him.

The Fellowship of the Unashamed

I'm part of the fellowship of the unashamed. I have stepped over the line. The die has been cast. The decision has been made. I'm a disciple of Jesus Christ. I won't look back, let up, slow down, back away, or be still. My past is redeemed, my present makes sense, and my future is secure. I'm finished and done with low living, sight walking, small planning, smooth knees, colorless dreams, tamed visions, mundane talking, cheap living, and dwarfed goals. I no longer need preeminence, prosperity, position, promotions, plaudits, or popularity. I don't have to be right, first, tops, recognized, praised, regarded, or rewarded. I now live by faith, lean on His presence, walk by patience, lift by prayer, and labor by the Spirit's power. My face is set, my gait is fast, my goal is heaven. My road is narrow, my way rough, and my companions few; but my Guide is reliable and my mission is clear. I cannot be bought, deluded, or delayed. I will not flinch in the face of sacrifice, hesitate in the presence of the adversary, negotiate at the table of the enemy, or meander in the maze of mediocrity. I won't give up, shut up, let up, until I have stayed up, stored up, prayed up, paid up, and preached up for the cause of Christ. I am a disciple of Jesus. I must go on till He comes, give till I drop, preach till all know, and work till He stops me. And when He comes for His own, He will have no problem recognizing me because my banner will be clear!

- Author Unknown
(this has circulated the internet and no one knows the author,
but I have a feeling they wanted it that way)

Others May, You Cannot.

By G. D. Watson

"If anyone wishes to come after me, he must deny himself, take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it; but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it."

(Matthew 16:24-25)

If God has called you to be truly like Jesus in all your spirit, He will draw you into a life of crucifixion and humility. He will put on you such demands of obedience that you will not even be allowed to follow other Christians. In many ways, He seems to let other good people do things which He will not let you do.

Others who seem to be very religious and useful may push themselves, pull wires, and scheme to carry out their plans, but you cannot. If you attempt it, you will be met with such failure and rebuke from the Lord as to make you sorely penitent.

Others can brag about themselves, their work, their successes, their writing; but the Holy Spirit will not allow you to do any such thing. If you begin to do so, He will lead you into deep mortification that will make you despise yourself and all your good works.

Others will be allowed to succeed in making great sums of money, or having a legacy left to them, or in having luxuries, but God may supply you on only a day to day basis, because He wants you to have something far better than gold - a helpless dependence on Him and His unseen treasury.

The Lord may let others be honored and put forward while keeping you hidden in obscurity because He wants to produce some choice, fragrant fruit for His coming glory - fruit which can only be produced in the shade.

God may let others be great, but keep you small. He will let others do a work for Him and get the credit, but He will make you work and toil without ever knowing how much you are doing. Then, to make your work still more precious, He will let others get the credit for the work which you have done; this is to teach you the message of the Cross, humility, and something of the value of being cloaked in His nature.

The Holy Spirit will put a strict watch on you. With a jealous love He will rebuke you for careless words and feelings, or for wasting your time, which other Christians never seem distressed over. So make up your mind that God is infinite and sovereign and has a right to do as He pleases with His own, and that He may not explain to you a thousand things that may puzzle your reason in His dealings with you.

God will take you at your word. If you absolutely sell yourself to be His slave, He will wrap you up in a jealous love, and let other people say and do many things that you cannot. So settle it forever; you are to deal directly with the Holy Spirit, and He is to have the privilege of tying your tongue or chaining your hand or closing your eyes in ways which others are not dealt with.

However, know this great secret of the Kingdom: When you are so completely possessed with the Living God that you are, in your secret heart, pleased and delighted over this peculiar, personal, private, jealous guardianship and management of the Holy Spirit over your life, you will have found the portal of heaven, the high calling of God.

G.D. Watson (1845-1924) was a Wesleyan Methodist minister and evangelist based in Los Angeles. His evangelistic campaigns took him to England, the West Indies, New Zealand, Australia, Japan and Korea. He also wrote several books.

Who do you say I am?

¹ Who believes what we've heard and seen? Who would
have thought God's saving power would look like this?

^2-6The servant grew up before God—a scrawny seedling,
a scrubby plant in a parched field.
There was nothing attractive about him,
nothing to cause us to take a second look.
He was looked down on and passed over,
a man who suffered, who knew pain firsthand.
One look at him and people turned away.
We looked down on him, thought he was scum.
But the fact is, it was our pains he carried—
our disfigurements, all the things wrong with us.
We thought he brought it on himself,
that God was punishing him for his own failures.
But it was our sins that did that to him,
that ripped and tore and crushed him—our sins!
He took the punishment, and that made us whole.
Through his bruises we get healed.
We're all like sheep who've wandered off and gotten lost.
We've all done our own thing, gone our own way.
And God has piled all our sins, everything we've done wrong,
on him.

^7-9He was beaten, he was tortured,
but he didn't say a word.
Like a lamb taken to be slaughtered
and like a sheep being sheared,
he took it all in silence.
Justice miscarried, and he was led off—
and did anyone really know what was happening?
He died without a thought for his own welfare,
beaten bloody for the sins of my people.
They buried him with the wicked,
threw him in a grave with a rich man,
Even though he'd never hurt a soul
or said one word that wasn't true.

¹⁰Still, it's what God had in mind all along,
to crush him with pain.
The plan was that he'd give himself as an offering for sin
so that he'd see life come from it—life, life, and more life.
And God's plan will deeply prosper through him.

^11-12Out of that terrible travail of soul,
he'll see that it's worth it and be glad he did it.
Through what he experienced, my righteous one, my servant
will make many "righteous ones,"
as he himself carries the burden of their sins.
Therefore I'll reward him extravagantly—
the best of everything, the highest honors—
Because he looked death in the face and didn't flinch,
because he embraced the company of the lowest.
He took on his own shoulders the sin of the many,
he took up the cause of all the black sheep.

- Isaiah 53 (written approx. 700 years before the birth of Jesus)

Fast forward to approx. 33 AD. Before Jesus was convicted, he was brought before the council to be questioned, but he knew that they had already made up their minds. They said, "If you are the Christ, tell us." But he said to them, "If I tell you, you will not believe, and if I ask you, you will not answer. But from now on the Son of Man will be seated at the right hand of the power of God." (Luke 22)

And they beat him, scourged him, crucified him, and buried him. And after rising three days later, he appeared to his disciples. He said to them, "So thick-headed! So slow-hearted! Why can't you simply believe all that the prophets said? Don't you see that these things had to happen, that the Messiah had to suffer and only then enter into his glory?" Then he started at the beginning, with the Books of Moses, and went on through all the Prophets, pointing out everything in the Scriptures that referred to him. (Luke 24)

Who do you say he is?

So Tired of the Middle

Living life in the middle has been weighing heavily on my mind lately. I've been reassessing a life that has scooted too close to complacency. The same life laid down for the One I love is desperately thirsty for a drink of Living Water. My daily prayer is that God would stir up my embers, and get my fire roaring again.
I read a book recently called "Crazy Love." Its one of those books that you get so into that you believe everyone you know, no matter what situation they are in, needs to read it.
I've been packing and listening to music, thinking, praying; this song came on, and sums up my heart better than I could.



Somewhere In The Middle - Casting Crowns

Somewhere between the hot and the cold
Somewhere between the new and the old
Somewhere between who I am and who I used to be
Somewhere in the middle, You'll find me

Somewhere between the wrong and the right
Somewhere between the darkness and the light
Somewhere between who I was and who You're making me
Somewhere in the middle, You'll find me

Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control

Fearless warriors in a picket fence, reckless abandon wrapped in common sense
Deep water faith in the shallow end and we are caught in the middle
With eyes wide open to the differences, the God we want and the God who is
But will we trade our dreams for His or are we caught in the middle
Are we caught in the middle

Somewhere between my heart and my hands
Somewhere between my faith and my plans
Somewhere between the safety of the boat and the crashing waves

Somewhere between a whisper and a roar
Somewhere between the altar and the door
Somewhere between contented peace and always wanting more
Somewhere in the middle You'll find me

Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control

Lord, I feel You in this place and I know You're by my side
Loving me even on these nights when I'm caught in the middle


"A man by his sin may waste himself, which is to waste that which on earth is most like God. This is man's greatest tragedy and God's heaviest grief." -AW Tozer



A godly man reminded me today that to not be satisfied with whatever we've been given is to sin, and likewise to not follow where God leads, and instead choose what is safe and comfortable is sin.

I'm challenged to put on my blindfold and listen to His voice lead me through whatever meadow or minefield he has for me.

Seeing Truth in Coincidences

It was on Sunday that I was strongly inspired to hold a garage sale this coming Sunday, to benefit the 40% of the world who does not have clean water (which is the leading cause of death above anything else). I knew it sounded crazy because it was such short notice, but I felt very compelled to do it now, before Christmas. I looked at my schedule and knew the only day possible was Sunday, December 21st.

Against my own judgment and the advice of friends and co-workers, I decided I would do it this Sunday. I felt very called to do anything I could to pull it together in one week, and I trust that if it is God's hand leading me towards that, that he will help make it happen.

I woke up this morning tired but looking forward to a much needed day off, so I could put up all my signs and finish distributing the flyers to the houses in my neighborhood. As I was lying in bed, I got the urge to look up scripture for 12/21.

12/21.... Garage sale to clear out our un-necessaries to benefit countless others who don't have nearly what we do. I challenged everyone to look at what they have and see what it is that they don't need.

Luke 12:21 "This is how it will be with anyone who stores up things for himself but is not rich toward God."

And in context:

Then he said to them, "Watch out! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; a man's life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions." And he told them this parable: "The ground of a certain rich man produced a good crop. He thought to himself, 'What shall I do? I have no place to store my crops.' Then he said, 'This is what I'll do. I will tear down my barns and build bigger ones, and there I will store all my grain and my goods. And I'll say to myself, "You have plenty of good things laid up for many years. Take life easy; eat, drink and be merry." '

"But God said to him, 'You fool! This very night your life will be demanded from you. Then who will get what you have prepared for yourself?' "This is how it will be with anyone who stores up things for himself but is not rich toward God."

Then Jesus said to his disciples: "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. Life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?

Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest? Consider how the lilies grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today, and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, how much more will he clothe you, O you of little faith!

And do not set your heart on what you will eat or drink; do not worry about it. For the pagan world runs after all such things, and your Father knows that you need them. But seek his kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well. Do not be afraid, little flock, for your Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom.

Sell your possessions and give to the poor. Provide purses for yourselves that will not wear out, a treasure in heaven that will not be exhausted, where no thief comes near and no moth destroys.

For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."
(Luke 12:15-34)

Lord, I pray that you will open the hearts of the people I come in contact with, that they would see how extravagantly they live and how much excess they have to give. I pray Lord that their heart would break for the impoverished the way your's does, and that they would recognize how much of a difference they could make. I pray for their treasure to be in your kingdom and not in this world Lord. And I pray for sunshine on Sunday and an abundance of things to sell and people to buy them. I pray these things in the name of Jesus, Amen.

Once Was Lost, But Now I'm Found.

To step out of your comfort zone when you feel as though God has called you to something different takes a ton of trust and faith... in not only him, but in your own ability to know what his will is. There have been so many instances of this lately, and though they've been everything ranging from unusual to almost overwhelmingly intimidating, the Lord has again and again proven to be so completely faithful in leading me safely through and the outcome is better than anything I could have thought up or planned out myself.

So tonight, I had plans to hang out with a friend of mine in San Diego. The plan was to have a relaxed night at her house, which I was in the mood for, but when we talked this afternoon there was a possible change in plans that meant she would be coming up here instead, and we'd be going with some friends of hers I hadn't met, to a bar I haven't been to in a long time. I wanted to hang out with her and I didn't want to be a hassle, so I agreed, though it wasn't what I had hoped or planned for.

I came home from work and laid on my bed and thought up a slew of valid reasons why I wasn't going to go. Aside from my foul mood and lack of energy, I've made an intentional effort to step out of the drinking/bar scene recently, and I didn't feel the desire to be back there. But something in me told me I really needed to go, so I dragged myself off the bed and got ready. It didn't seem to make sense that God would call me to go out to a bar when he's called me to do very much the opposite. I didn't want to drink and wasn't in the mood to chat with new people, but cheered up when I met her friends and settled in. We had a nice conversation (and some delicious chicken strips) but honestly spent most of the time wondering why I had felt so strongly that I was called to be there. I started doubting my ability to "test and approve" what God's will is, and my own faith in myself.

It wasn't until we were paying our bill and getting ready to leave that whatever we were talking about reminded her friend (one who I had just met) of her roommate, and all the things she's struggling with and the mess she's in. Most of this girl's story could have been my own testimony. It hit me so hard to hear how broken she is, knowing exactly what that pain feels like. I knew I needed to do something, so when we walked to our cars I gave her my information and asked her to pass it on to her roommate.

I don't know if she'll give it to her or what her roommate's reaction will be, but I believe with all my heart that if there is anybody who can understand fully where she is and see her without condemnation, but with love and the knowledge that even the most broken heart can be put back together and the emptiest places can be filled, it's me. God doesn't waste anything, and he shows me constantly that even my most painful pieces have very important purposes.

See that you do not look down on one of these little ones. For I tell you that their angels in heaven always see the face of my Father in heaven. What do you think? If a man owns a hundred sheep, and one of them wanders away, will he not leave the ninety-nine on the hills and go to look for the one that wandered off?And if he finds it, I tell you the truth, he is happier about that one sheep than about the ninety-nine that did not wander off.

In the same way
your Father in heaven
is not willing that any
of these little ones
should be lost.

Matthew 18:10-14

I started crying as soon as I got in my car (if you know me, you know the significance of tears) and I prayed for this girl the whole way home, and my heart just continues to break for her. I don't know her name or what she's doing right now (she's out of town), but I have a clear idea of what to pray for.

I would appreciate immensely if you would help me pray for her - that God would invade and fill in every part of her life; that he would heal and soothe all of the emotional and physical scars, that he would be her wall of fire and protect her from those influences that make her feel worthless and empty and encourage her to self destruct; that he would meet her in a tangible way right where she is that she couldn't avoid or deny; that he would speak to her in her dreams; that he would surround her with positive, loving and encouraging influences, who would show her how loved and valuable she is; that she would have the courage to contact and meet with me; and that the Holy Spirit would give me the right words and be a guiding presence in our interaction.

There are many more. I could go on. I can't describe how heavily this is on my heart.

For the Son of Man came to seek and to save what was lost.

Heavenly Father, you are so faithful in your promises and in your protection. I am so thankful for how you are continuously shaping me and giving me the courage to be obedient, even when I can't make sense of it or am overcome with fear and doubt. I know you don't give us more than we can handle, and I'm so thankful that you entrust me with so much. I am so grateful for this heart you've given me, and for the life you've led me through - each and every piece of it. You've gone before me Lord, and I trust you completely. Thank you for redeeming and renewing me the way you have and continue to. In Jesus' loving and forgiving name, Amen.

Floored.

I'll be completely honest with you and say that I envy those who can hear God's voice. I know he communicates with everyone in different ways, and (as of yet) that isn't how he speaks to me.

But at those times when he very directly speaks to me, I am no less floored. Often, it will be something that may seem common or trivial to those who weren't in on my prayers or thoughts. A sudden coincidence, and a very clear reminder of what is on my heart at the time. Or a song will come on the radio as I'm praying in the car, and the lyrics will clearly answer the questions I was asking him. And every time, the only thing I can do is sit in stunned silence and awe. It's very humbling to be addressed by the Holy King, no matter how it is that he speaks.

I had a moment like that a few minutes ago and was so moved by it that I knew I needed to write it down, because it's times like these that I like to look back on when I'm wondering where he is. As if he ever leaves.

For the backstory, please scroll down to the bottom of the post.

Here I am, just home from work and cranky and I sit down at my computer to check my email, all of these thoughts circling through my head - how I'll wait 'til I hear from him again to unload all these things on him, things I need that I'm not getting, and that I don't want to talk to him anymore and this isn't worth it to me. I'm sitting here almost looking forward to the moment that I can turn tables and make him feel as dispensable as he's made me feel.

I open my "Encouragement for Today" daily devotional from Christianity.com and again, sit here in awe and disbelief that still, that what God is still asking me for loud and clear is patience and perseverance. Even in the face of rejection. (God, you never did say it was going to be easy.) I'm floored.

Here it is, the answer to my questions, titled "Rejected Again?"

Now of course, there are two different dynamics here. There is the relationship side and the spiritual side. As far as a relationship is concerned, things are not good. But I have been telling God for 5 months that his sanctification is more important to me than our being together, and that is still true. God only knows why we've been put in each other's lives, but if I'm in his to help renew and restore his heart, it is disobedient to turn away when it gets hard.

And maybe through these things will come something stronger and more fruitful between us than whatever we could possibly have had before. Only time will tell that.

I do know I need to go about things very differently to preserve my own heart though.
Above all else, guard your heart; for it is the wellspring of life. (Prov. 4:23)

Lord, I know you never said it would be easy, but I know you won't test me beyond what I can bear. Lord help me to keep my eyes fixed on you as I walk with someone who is suffering and to release the heaviness in my own heart. Take away his heart of stone Lord and replace it with a heart of flesh. Give me the right words to speak Lord and the endurance and patience to keep going when I want to give up. Lord I ask also that you give me the courage to pray with him next time I see him. Thank you for the incredible transformation in him that you're already making and for the opportunity you give me to work for you. In Jesus' ever patient name I pray these things. Amen.



The Backstory: In the Spring I was dating this guy who I had an instant, crazy connection with and deep care for, and vice versa. Everything seemed as close to perfect as it could get and I never thought I would see the end of it. If you've read earlier posts, you'll remember that he's the one who taught me about God and the gospel and led me to Christ. Impactful, to say the least.

For reasons not totally understood by me, he went from hot to cold very soon after I became a Christian, which caused me a great deal of anxiety and heartbreak. I couldn't understand what I'd done wrong and was consumed by it. As I soon learned, he was deep in a spiritual struggle, knowing what he should be doing and doing very much the opposite. Bad habits that he had repressed all returned to the surface. He drank a lot and smoked a lot and refused to come to church. He lost his convictions and gave up trying.

Every day as I sat in prayer, distressed and hurting, I asked God how he could be this way all of a sudden and what I should do. Even though I felt like the only answer was to break up with him, I kept getting this strong overwhelming feeling as I prayed that I needed to wait and to be patient.

And I tried. It was a month of his being completely shut down and my worrying before he broke up with me. I told him it didn't feel right, and about my prayers. He asked me later after he left if it still didn't feel right; it didn't. He said he'd be a fool not to listen to that, but it was never brought up again.

Over the past five months since we broke up, it was ugly. We saw each other a couple times and it was bad. Really crazy coincidences would happen all the time pointing right to him, and I tried to brush them off. My heart wouldn't heal, and I finally convinced myself that we really were never going to return to the way it was when we were happy. Nonetheless, I thought about him every day, and his heart and strength in the Holy Spirit was the only consistent thing I prayed for daily, even though he was harsh and critical and hurtful when we talked.

It wasn't until a few weeks ago that I saw him again and things seemed dramatically different. He had a gentleness about him again, and the kindness in his eyes returned. He was humble and respectful, and apologized for all the things he had done and said over that time. We were on the phone all night, talking about how we'd never been able to get over each other and he said it just hadn't been the right time. He told me again and again how much he needs me in his life, and that the people he's surrounded by lead him towards the sins he feels he can't escape. He said he needed my influence on his life, that although he as the man is the leader and the "head," that I am the neck, which supports and guides the head where to go.

We decided to be very intentional on taking it slow this time. We started seeing each other every few days, and it felt like he had become the incredible guy I first met again. All at once he quit smoking, cut down drastically on drinking, cleaned his apartment, and got his stuff together. I can't describe the joy of seeing a heart being restored after the hours and hours of tearful prayers and blessing my 'enemy.' In some ways it feels as though he was in my life to guide me spiritually, and now maybe I was there for him in the same way.

After a few weeks we made the mistake of getting too comfortable and saw each other a few days in a row. I think it freaked him out and he shut down, yet again. I thought to myself, "how can this be happening again??" Not only is it painful in a relationship, but it makes me feel devalued and broken. I knew I needed to do it differently.

So instead of worrying and asking what was wrong and pleading for time together thinking that was going to fix it, I left him alone. We didn't talk for days and when we did see each other again, it seemed like everything was back to normal. But, yet again, it seems that he's switched off and become selfish again, and it brings me right back to that anxious, hurt feeling I had before. I don't want anything to do with that. I can't do it again. I shouldn't have to walk on eggshells and pretend I don't want to talk to him for days at a time for fear that he'll become that person.

So all last night and all today I have been praying, asking God what to do, but thinking I knew full well what I needed to do. I've come up with all these conversations I wanted to have about how I deserve a lot better than this and that I don't want to have anything to do with him when he's like this. And those things are both true. But it was the way that I was planning it that I just realized is not the way God wants it. It was coming from anger and frustration.

An Important Week - Ministry

I had a very important week last week. There were a few big milestones in my walk with Christ that I wanted to share. (I'm breaking it up in parts, it was getting too long!)


Ministry

First off, June 26th was Serve Day. If you're unfamiliar, Serve Day is one day out of the year that is meant to be a catalyst; to inspire and connect people with opportunities to dig in and get involved in the communities around them.

There are tons of things to choose from, ranging from beach clean-ups to serving food to the homeless. I read almost every opportunity on the list, and after much internal deliberation about if I was choosing for God's needs or choosing for my own comfort and desires, I picked a project connected with Walking on Water ministry, and did ministry (meaning walking around and talking to people, making connections, inviting them to a screening of a Christian surf movie, and passing out free dvds) at the US Surf Open in Huntington Beach.

Before, during, and even after, though exhausted, I was feeling guilty. I had reasoned with myself that God blesses us with different talents and we should use them to further His kingdom... so I figured I'm great at making conversation and connecting with people, and I'm outgoing, so that's the project I'm best suited for. But I felt like I had too much fun.

In hindsight, I think no matter what project people chose, they got tons of joy out of it after all. But I was doubting my reasons for choosing that opportunity, and feeling like I must have picked it because it was spending the day at the beach and it seemed easy. It was truly exhausting (being in the sun for 9 straight hours and approaching hundreds of people with the same friendliness and enthusiasm the whole time takes a lot out of you) but I prayed that Christ would soften the hearts of the people I connected with and that the materials we handed out would plant the seed in their lives. I was rejected by quite a few people, some even laughing and throwing away what I gave them in my plain view, but for every person that rejected me, there were 10 who seemed genuinely intrigued and open. I really did feel the Holy Spirit was assisting me in connecting with the people I talked to though.

A few days later, I was talking to my best friend, who said he hadn't wanted to tell me ahead of time because he didn't want to scare me, but he was really impressed and inspired by the fact that I picked the hardest opportunity on the list. Like I said, I had been feeling very much the opposite, but he told me that doing ministry that is talking directly to and connecting with non-believers is just about the hardest thing one can do. He said especially since I'm new in my faith, it was a huge step for me. It made me feel a lot more at peace with the situation.

A Great Example of God's Love

I've been writing this post in my head for a couple weeks now, but haven't had the time to sit down and type it.

We know that God loves us unconditionally. This love is called Agape; it's an all-consuming love, a forgiving love, and a love that comes from the heart, the soul, and the mind. It's the kind of love described in 1Corinthians13.

Though we have God's love, one of the biggest blessings we can have is to have an example of His kind of love here on earth; and even better, to have the ability to love someone like that too.

I know that I am incredibly blessed to have a great example of God's love in my life: my best friend.

From the day I met him, he has inspired me, motivated me, and encouraged me. He started out as someone that I looked up to and wanted to be like; ambitious, compassionate, generous, and unfalteringly positive. Over the course of knowing each other, and as our friendship has developed into what it is today, he has shown me an endless amount of love, selflessness, respect, and a huge belief in me. No matter how down I am, he is always by my side with a shoulder to cry on, reminding me of the good things I have and helping me figure out how to solve the things that are upsetting me. He is always patient with me, no matter how hard I make that.

Of anyone in my life, I know I can turn to him when I don't know what to do. He's wise beyond his years and has a tremendous amount of compassion. I know I could tell him anything, even the deepest, ugliest parts of who I am or have been, and he would still love me just the same. And he was the one to baptize me, and I can't imagine a better person to be right there with me when I cleansed myself of my old life and began a new one in the name of the Lord. We walk in faith together.

He never makes me feel bad, and keeps no record of wrong. I haven't been a perfect friend, and I know I've messed up on quite a few occasions, but he's forgiven me and loved me despite those times. I never feel like I have to censor myself or like I can't be myself, because I know he loves me for who I am, even though I'm far from perfect.

In the same way, I try to be the best example of perfect love that I can be for him too. I care about him so deeply; when I can tell he's upset, it upsets me just as much. It makes me feel so good to do things for him that let him know I was thinking about him. No matter what, I'll always be there for him when he needs me at any hour of the day or night. I try to be a good listener when he needs me to listen, and give him the best advice I can when he wants answers. He could tell me anything and I would never judge him or love him any less. He's one of the most amazing people I've ever met; even my friends who don't know him that well can see that right off the bat.

In my life, from my past and from my present, he has had more of a positive impact on me than anyone else, from back to the day I met him all the way to the present. He's never hurt my feelings, never made me feel neglected, never turned his back on me, never made me feel like there was anything I couldn't do or wasn't capable of. He teaches me and inspires me and is my biggest supporter. He's shown me the kind of unconditional love and devotion I've never had before.

Every night, in every single prayer, I thank God from the bottom of my heart for giving me such an incredible best friend, and I ask Him to help me show him the kind of love he shows me. Of all the blessings in my life, his friendship is one of the most obvious by far. I know that I don't deserve him, and my only wish is that I can be the kind of friend that he deserves.

Col 3:12	Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.
Col 3:13	Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.
Col 3:14	And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

Water From The Rock

I was saying last night, I've been pleading with God to show me what His will is in a way I can recognize, because I think I'm so caught up in what I want that I can't tell what He wants. Even after a few pretty obvious signs yesterday, I think my heart wasn't in the right place to internalize them.

We went to church tonight, and the message was focused around being involved in their series of outreach projects during the summer, which is called Go. Todd, the church's lead pastor, was telling us why we give ourselves away. Sometimes in our lives, we get so caught up in what we're doing that we completely lose sight of the plot. It's easy to forget the reasons why. His example was going to church; we go to honor and praise the Lord. So we go for an hour and a half each week, and we spend a lot of it singing songs of worship to Him. But the real worship is not as much in song as it is in life. When we reach out to those who are struggling, forget our own worries and comforts and details, and focus our energy on helping someone who needs it more than we do, we are worshiping Jesus in our actions. It's easy to go through the motions. We experience actual growth when there is love and praise behind them.

He talked about how easy it is to be so directed on figuring out ourselves from the inside that we can't even hear God when he speaks to us. Sounds familiar. We can spend so much time and energy scrutinizing every one of our thoughts and misguided actions and wondering what on earth it is that we are supposed to be doing, when the answer could be sitting right in front of us, staring us in the face. It takes a tremendous amount of faith and submission to trust that the Lord sees even when we can't, and to stop trying to plan everything for ourselves. It really spoke to me.

He first referenced Psalms 95:6-9, describing a flock of sheep; a species of animal that we know is 100% dependent on being guided and taken care of. There are so many factors out there that would threaten their wellbeing that sheep couldn't survive in the wild on their own.
Neither can we.

Come, let us bow down in worship,
let us kneel before the Lord our maker,
for he is our God
and we are the people of his pasture,
the flock under his care.

Today, if you hear his voice,
do not harden your hearts as you did at Meribah,
as you did that day at Massah in the desert,
where your fathers tested and tried me,
though they had seen what I did.

He explained that Meribah and Massah were alters that Moses had set about as he led the Israelites out of slavery in Egypt. It was custom to set up an alter at a place where the Lord had done something incredible. But Meribah and Massah were not the common alter; they didn't honor God. They represented a spot where the people had quarreled and doubted God and tested Him when their own earthly needs were not immediately met.

As Moses was rescuing the Israelites from Egypt and lives of slavery as the Lord had led him to do, they became thirsty walking through the desert. Though they were assured that there was a much better life up ahead, they lacked the faith to believe that. They complained to Moses, to a point of wanting to turn around and go back to being slaves in Egypt, where at least they had water to drink. He asked them, "Why do you put the Lord to the test?" (Exodus 17:2) And when Moses cried out to Him and asked what he was to do, God showed him a rock that he could strike and water would pour out for them to drink. Even after such a miracle, these blind wanders asked him, "Is the Lord among us or not?" (Exodus 17:7)

The first thought, of course, is how could the Israelites stand there and witness such incredible miracles, and STILL doubt the existence of God and all the blessings he had in store for them? Todd described how they could still be so skeptical as spiritual Alzheimer's. It goes beyond a loss of memories from specific events and to a broader way of being where one's loss of faith becomes so all-consuming that no matter what they see or hear, their heart is too hardened to be able to witness it. They are constantly demanding Him to "prove it." No matter how much lays ahead for them and what plans the Lord has for them, they are of so little faith that they would rather turn and go back to their own Egypt (which could be anything from an empty heart, bad habits, unsuccessful relationships, substance abuse) than to submit themselves to His will and trust that He will lead them to something immensely better in the long run.

I felt as though something had woken up inside of me.

On my drive home, I was listening to The Fish 95.9 as usual, and when a song I love came on the radio, it occurred to me that I never listen to all the lyrics.

I'm waking up
The world is turning
The sun is shining again
I'm holding on
To things I shouldn't
It's time to let them go
I've been on a losing streak
Hit so hard I couldn't speak
But when I hear Your voice it fades away

And I can hear You say
It's a brand new day
The pain goes away
I'm headed for the door
And I'm going home

Your love, it burns
Away my darkness
You guide me when I'm blind
You are the light
That shines inside me
Showing me I'm
So much more
When I've been on a losing streak
Hit so hard I couldn't speak
But when I hear Your voice it fades away

Take me into Your arms
My home lies within Your heart

After the message tonight and hearing that song, I realized I really am holding on to things I shouldn't. I've been trying to go back to my Egypt because it seems safer than blindly following where God leads me. I was so set on having it my way that I wouldn't let God speak to me. There's one thing I've been milling over in my head, though; how it could really have been only meant for a short time, yet we had all this amazing chemistry and connection?

I'm still going to have sad feelings, but my focus has shifted. It isn't where He is leading me. I want to devote my energy and my heart to being a servant of God. He will take care of the rest.

I see You everywhere, Pt 2

I'm in awe every single day of the blessings that surround us, and I can't even remember how I was so blind to the things that go on around me. His Holy Spirit is so present in our lives.

My walk in faith has just begun, and as you know if you've been reading from the beginning, hit me like a ton of bricks! I'm not one to be "talked into" anything; as any of my friends would tell you, I'm pretty strong-willed and I need to know every detail before I will consider changing my mind on something.

So as you can imagine, my recent realization of the Lord has come as a shock to not only me, but my friends and my family. Though it's been surprising, I haven't run into any nay-sayers just yet, which I am thankful for, although it wouldn't sway my heart. Even my friends who are non-believers have been incredibly supportive of my newfound relationship with God.

The other day, I was talking to a good friend of mine, who is atheist and up until a couple months ago, we had identical views on spirituality. I was telling her about my baptism, because she wanted to know how it went. I not only told her about how incredible the event itself was, but also how thankful I felt for the series of events that took place: my ex coming to church despite his former protests, the pastor giving the most perfect message, and his heart having changed over that 45 minutes. I told her how I had been praying for him every night and how incredible it was to see my prayers being answered before my eyes. Coincidentally, she and her boyfriend broke up the day of my baptism, and she was having a really hard time with it. She couldn't understand why I seemed so calm and satisfied despite my heartache, but I explained that the salvation of his heart and spirit were much more important to me than our being together, and seeing God breathe life back into him was all I could want. As much as I want to be with him, I know that isn't for me to worry about - getting his heart back in the right place is the first priority, and I know that the Lord will take care of the rest, like in Matthew 6.

Hours later, I got a phone call from her. She had been reading my blog (if you're reading this, Hi! <3) and listening to me talk about the comfort I have found in knowing that God is ultimately leading my life and everything will work out for the best if I look to him rather than to myself. She called me later to tell me that after hearing so much about what has changed in me recently, it made her wonder if something was missing in her heart too. She wanted to know what I know that makes me feel so at peace with my life. And she wanted a "favor" (girl, you're crazy, it's my pleasure!): she wanted me to take her with me to church a few times, and she wants to go in with an open heart and open mind and see how she feels about everything. I can't begin to describe the feeling of knowing I touched someone to a point of possibly softening their heart to God as well. Truly incredible. I called my best friend (who baptized me by the way, what a meaningful way to be reborn!) to tell him and we were both so filled with joy and awe at the way He works. I also told my ex-boyfriend (I'll call him S from now on), who responded with, "Wow, you are being used by God left and right." Wow is right!

During another conversation, my best friend (who was raised in a very Christian home and has always been deeply faithful) told me that my faith in the Lord has strengthened his own in a powerful way, which I couldn't understand. He told me that he sees me as such a strong, independent person who doesn't accept anything as truth without extensive knowledge of the subject. So seeing me become so strong in faith has given new life to his own faith... somewhere along the lines of, "if even she believes it, it MUST be true!" (You're silly.) That's probably one of the sweetest things I've been told before. What an amazing compliment!

Weeks ago I surrendered my heart to his work and have let him guide me in what I do, and already he has used me to make an impact on those around me that I love so much and care so much about. How exciting it is to be truly filled with His love and sharing it with others!



Lord, all of my thanks and praise go to You and only You! You are incredible beyond words and You alone are worthy of my praise and gratitude. I am so grateful for Your love and devotion and the abundance of blessings you've given me. I am your servant! Please continue to guide me, Lord, in demonstrating to others the love that You give to us and in living in your example. Please continue to shine your blessed light on those who are in the midst of night, so they can be awakened with your Spirit again. Keep us safe and protected in Your love and mercy. Amen.

An Autobiography in 5 Short Chapters

Mike shared this with us during last Sunday's message, and it really stuck with me.

AUTOBIOGRAPHY IN FIVE SHORT CHAPTERS

by Portia Nelson

I

I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I fall in.
I am lost ... I am helpless.
It isn't my fault.
It takes me forever to find a way out.

II

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I am in the same place
but, it isn't my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

III

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in ... it's a habit.
my eyes are open
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

IV

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

V

I walk down another street.

Life is all about choices.

When we learn from our mistakes, we can choose a different path.

Being a Christian doesn't mean being a perfect person. A Christian is someone who has decided to entrust his or her life to Jesus Christ. A Christian trusts Christ for forgiveness of sin, a right standing before God, and guidance in life. As a rule, as human beings, we cannot be perfect. We were born as flesh, and in order to live with God we need to die of the flesh and be reborn to the Holy Spirit that lives within us. This is what it means to be baptized, and I'm very excited to say that I am being baptized this Sunday. I haven't been this excited about something in a long time, and I can't wait to publicly celebrate my new life for and with the Lord.

John 3:3-7 Jesus answered and said to him, "Truly, truly, I say to you, unless one is born again he cannot see the kingdom of God." 4 Nicodemus said to Him, "How can a man be born when he is old? He cannot enter a second time into his mother's womb and be born, can he?" 5 Jesus answered, "Truly, truly, I say to you, unless one is born of water and the Spirit he cannot enter into the kingdom of God. 6 "That which is born of the flesh is flesh, and that which is born of the Spirit is spirit. 7 "Do not be amazed that I said to you, 'You must be born again.'

We are all born as humans, but only when our hearts and spirits are with the Lord can we be born as the Spirit. The only perfect person was Jesus, who was both human and the Lord here on earth. While we can never expect to be as perfect and holy as God, we can live by His example and make our decisions based on honoring Him, not fulfilling our worldly desires. To live by Christ's word is to be selfless, not selfish. He taught us to be kind, loving, honest, generous, and forgiving.

"You have heard that it was said, 'An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth.' But I say to you, do not resist him who is evil; but whoever slaps you on your right cheek, turn to him the other also. And if anyone wants to sue you, and take your shirt, let him have your coat also. And whoever shall force you to go one mile, go with him two. Give to him who asks of you, and do not turn away from him who wants to borrow from you. You have heard that it was said, 'You shall love your neighbor, and hate your enemy.' But I say to you, love your enemies, and pray for those who persecute you in order that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven; for He causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. For if you love those who love you, what reward have you? Do not even the tax-gatherers do the same? And if you greet your brothers only, what do you do more than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same?" - (Matthew 5:38-47)

Every single day, we are confronted with choices. Of course it's tempting to choose the one that is selfish, simple, easy, and immediately fulfilling. As humans, we are prone to picking the easy route; the one that will benefit us. The other choice is almost always more trying, more difficult, and more Godly. God shows us unfaltering love, devotion, and forgiveness. Why shouldn't we honor Him by doing the same for each other? We learned from Jesus to put others before ourselves, but our culture dictates that we should live "every man for himself." Though the easy choice might be instantly satisfying to ourselves, it rarely honors God or satiates us for long. When we live for ourselves, we never experience true joy. Real joy comes from living for God, and doing his work.

During the baptism class I went to on Wednesday, the teacher was talking about how living for God doesn't necessarily mean "doing good." Many times, we can go through the motions of doing good deeds, but if we do them to fulfill our desire to feel good about ourselves, these actions aren't honoring God; only ourselves. He was telling us how he was volunteering with an organization to build houses, and was feeling good until his co-workers showed up, and it turned out that day was the day where they had developmentally handicapped people working on the house. His good feeling quickly turned to frustration and irritation, because now the hard work became hard work and trying to teach/help out someone else, who was having a hard time, in their own job as well. He was trying to help a man with cerebral palsy use a table saw. God spoke to him, and hit him with a "two by four," as he put it. He asked him how he could possibly look down on these people, who although disabled, would spend their day trying to help someone else. Not only were they working through their adversity to help another, but they were getting immense joy from it. He told him that maybe, just maybe, he may get to be one of those people one day - one who, no matter how big of a struggle it is, puts others before themselves and gains more joy from that than anything else. He told him those were "his people."

Every day, we are given the opportunity to either live for ourselves, or live for others and most importantly God. Jesus demonstrated a servant's heart, and the way to be truly enlightened and fulfilled is to find joy in living by His example. This isn't to say we make the choice and we are finished. Living with the Lord is a journey, not a destination. It is a lifelong effort of the spirit to be as close to Him as possible.





Lord, it is so easy sometimes to feel like I should be putting myself first, because that is what I see around me and it seems like the only way to save myself from being hurt. But I know that is not how you lived or what you want from me, and I am so thankful for the kind and generous heart you blessed me with. Lord, Strengthen my heart so I may continue to give to him who asks of me, to go two miles when forced to go one, and to love and pray for those who may not love and pray for me, because I know that is your way. I am devoting my heart to you, and surrendering myself. Please continue to guide me, I'm listening. Let your love rain down on he who is lacking love for himself, shine your light on his darkness. Thank you Lord for selflessly sacrificing your own to absolve us of our own selfish acts. Forgive me for the things I am lacking and help me to see where I can do better for you. Amen.