When I say I am a Christian...

When I say ..."I am a Christian,"
I'm not shouting "I am saved"
I'm whispering "I was lost!"
That is why I chose this way."

When I say..."I am a Christian,"
I don't speak of this with pride.
I'm confessing that I stumble and need someone to be my guide.

When I say..."I am a Christian,"
I'm not trying to be strong.
I'm professing that I'm weak and pray for strength to carry on.

When I say..."I am a Christian,"
I'm not bragging of success.
I'm admitting I have failed and cannot ever pay the debt.

When I say..."I am a Christian,"
I'm not claiming to be perfect,
My flaws are too visible but God believes I'm worth it.

When I say..."I am a Christian,"
I still feel the sting of pain.
I have my share of heartaches which is why I seek His name.

When I say..."I am a Christian,"
I do not wish to judge.
I have no authority, I only know I'm loved.

- Maya Angelou

Because I Love Her...

I made her... she is different. She is unique. With LOVE I formed her in her mother's womb. I fashioned her with great joy. I remember with great pleasure the day I created her. (Psalm 139: 13-16)

I love her smile. I love her ways. I love to hear her laugh. And the silly things she says and does. She brings me great pleasure. This is how I made her. (Psalm 139: 1-6)

I made her pretty and not beautiful, because I knew her heart and knew she would be vain....I wanted her to search out her heart and learn that it would be me in her that would make her beautiful... and it would be ME in her that would draw friends to her. (1 Peter 3:3-5)

I made her in such a way that she would need me. I made her a little more lonesome than she would like to be... Only because I need for her to learn to depend on me... I know her heart, I know if I had not made her like this she would go her own chosen way and forget me - her Creator. (Psalm 62:5-8)

I have given her many good and happy things... because I love her. Because I love her, I have also broken her heart... and the tears she has cried alone I have cried with her, and had a broken heart too. (Psalm 56:8)

Many times she has stumbled and fallen alone, only because she would not hold my hand. So many lessons she's learned the hard way because she would not listen to my voice. (Isaiah 41:13)

So many times I have sat back and sadly watched her go her merry way alone, only to watch her return to My arms, sad and broken. (Isaiah 65:2)

And now she is mine again...I made her, and then I bought her... Because I love her. (Romans 5:8)

I have to reshape and remold her... to renew her for what I have planned for her to be. It has not been easy for her or for me. (Jeremiah 29:11)

I want her to be conformed to My Image... this high goal I have set for her, because I Love Her. (2 Corinthians 2:14)

But why... does it matter if who god is to us is different?

Q: What makes you so sure your god's the right god? If there were any god at all? I'm not atheist; I believe this planet is my god. And it doesn't matter, I have nothing to lose. Who cares?

A: "The creation of the world shows God's invisible qualities-his eternal power and divine nature-they have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse."

God, my God, is revealed in every minuscule detail of life - nature, people, science, relationships, etc. He's confirmed who He is (and His nature) in His word - which is confirmed by history, archaeology, prophecy, biology, etc. And around and around we go. He has given us every opportunity to know exactly who He is and who He is not, so that "men are without excuse." All other "gods" have proven themselves false, while God, my God, cannot be defeated.

You said you have nothing to lose, but there is plenty at stake.

• If I'm wrong, and there is nothing after this life, and no God, I lose nothing.
• If you're right, you gain nothing.
• If you're wrong, and what I've shared with you is true, you will have lost everything, eternally. You will have permanently separated yourself from the source of every pure, good, comforting, redeeming thing in this world, choosing instead a perpetual death.

You seem like you're convinced that God, my God, is not God. Therefore, no matter what I might show you, you will insist on interpreting it in a manner that aligns with your presupposition that god is whatever you decide him or it to be.

If I had a thousand eye-witnesses saying they saw Him, you'd say it was a mass hysteria. Even if I have incontrovertible evidence, your presupposition would force you to interpret the facts consistently with your presupposition and you would not be able to see the proof.

Just remember: Truth does not fear investigation.

But why... would I believe a fairytale?

Q: Why even believe the gospel? Haven't you heard? It's a fairytale, just some good brainwashing for a couple thousand years.

A: In terms of brainwashing, you're definitely onto something.

It is by none other than "...that ancient serpent called the devil, or Satan, who leads the whole world astray. He was hurled to the earth, and his angels with him."

He is the author of "...every sort of evil that deceives those who are perishing. They perish because they refused to love the truth and so be saved."

Jesus said, "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full."

In all seriousness - I know you meant the other way around. And I understand where you're coming from, because I was an atheist for 23 years.

On the contrary, with what I know now, I am willing to stake my life on this fact - Jesus Christ is God in the flesh, and lived and died and rose again to set me free of the eternal punishment I deserved. And he did it for you, too.

Are you willing to stake your life on the idea that its a fairytale? Because that's exactly what you're doing.

But why... is your god better than any other?

Q: It seems like what you're saying is "my god's better than your god" when the reality is no god's better then any god. If people weren't so infatuated with a relationship with some magical all-knowing being, they would concern themselves with their relationships with other people and themselves. Why are you even telling me this, what's in it for you?

A: I'm not saying my God is better, I'm saying my God is God. If I say I'm 25, but you say I'm 22, can we both be right? No. To say that no god is better than any other is like saying I can be both 22 and 25 simultaneously. Two opposing "truths" can't both be true.

It's because I love God that I love other people. The love that the world shows is very shallow, very conditional love. The only way we can even know what love really is (unconditional, undeserved, self-sacrificial) is by knowing the Lord. I forgive much because I have been forgiven of an infinite amount. So in terms of concerning myself with relationships, I absolutely do. And it all flows out of the divine love that I've been given.

I'm telling you this out of that love. I don't know you, I don't know your past or your mind or your heart or even how many hairs you have on your head, but God does. My love for you is because He first loved me.

I know who I was before I knew Him and I shudder at how lost I realize now I had been. We are all broken, we all need a savior. We have one. I know Him.

All That Matters Now

how many roads did i travel
before i walked down one that led me to you?
and how many dreams did unravel
before i believed in a hope that was true?
how long? how far?
what was meant to fulfill only emptied me still
and all you ever wanted....

only me
on my knees
singing holy, holy
and somehow
all that matters now is
you are holy, holy

how many deaths did i die
before i was awakened to new life again?
how many half truths did i bear witness to
'til the proof was disproved in the end?
how long? how far?
what was meant to illuminate only shadowed me still
and all you ever wanted...

only me
on my knees
singing holy, holy
and somehow
all that matters now is
you are holy, holy

and all i have is gratitude to offer you
you are holy

-Nichole Nordeman

Tiny, Shivering Sparrows

There was a farmer who was, by nature, a skeptic.

One raw winter night the man heard an irregular thumping sound against the kitchen storm door. He went to a window and watched as tiny, shivering sparrows, attracted to the evident warmth and light inside, beat in vain against the glass.

Touched, the farmer bundled up and trudged through the fresh snow to open the barn door for the struggling birds. He turned on the lights and tossed some hay into the corner. But the sparrows, which had scattered in all directions when he emerged from the house, hid in the darkness, afraid.

The man tried various tactics to get them into the barn. He laid down a trail of Saltine cracker crumbs to direct them. He tired circling behind the birds to drive them toward the barn. Nothing worked. He, a huge, alien creature, had terrified them; the birds couldn't comprehend that he actually desired to help them.

The farmer withdrew to his house and watched the doomed sparrows through a window. As he stared, a thought hit him like lightning from a clear blue sky:

If only I could become a bird - one of them - just for a moment. Then I wouldn't frighten them so. I could show them the way to warmth and safety.

At the same moment, another thought dawned on him. He had grasped the reason Jesus was born.

-Paul Harvey

Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.
Matthew 10:29-31

I know someone who can.

You have built yourself a fine fortress
And you're the only one who holds the key
You've resolved to pilot your own ship
And you decide what all the rules'll be
No more asking for answers
No more cries for help
You've been hurt for the last time
That's what you tell yourself

I don't know much more than this
But I know someone who does
I was not there in your past
But I know someone who was
I can't heal what lies within
But I know someone who can
I know someone who can

It's a drag living life like this
Believe me, I've been there a thousand times
Spending everyday on the defense
And building walls no one could ever climb
Till somebody showed me my fortress was a cage
And granted me my freedom
Since then I haven't been the same

So you can lock me out
Of your life as you've designed it
But I know there's peace and
I'll be on my knees until the day you find it

Who do you say I am?

¹ Who believes what we've heard and seen? Who would
have thought God's saving power would look like this?

^2-6The servant grew up before God—a scrawny seedling,
a scrubby plant in a parched field.
There was nothing attractive about him,
nothing to cause us to take a second look.
He was looked down on and passed over,
a man who suffered, who knew pain firsthand.
One look at him and people turned away.
We looked down on him, thought he was scum.
But the fact is, it was our pains he carried—
our disfigurements, all the things wrong with us.
We thought he brought it on himself,
that God was punishing him for his own failures.
But it was our sins that did that to him,
that ripped and tore and crushed him—our sins!
He took the punishment, and that made us whole.
Through his bruises we get healed.
We're all like sheep who've wandered off and gotten lost.
We've all done our own thing, gone our own way.
And God has piled all our sins, everything we've done wrong,
on him.

^7-9He was beaten, he was tortured,
but he didn't say a word.
Like a lamb taken to be slaughtered
and like a sheep being sheared,
he took it all in silence.
Justice miscarried, and he was led off—
and did anyone really know what was happening?
He died without a thought for his own welfare,
beaten bloody for the sins of my people.
They buried him with the wicked,
threw him in a grave with a rich man,
Even though he'd never hurt a soul
or said one word that wasn't true.

¹⁰Still, it's what God had in mind all along,
to crush him with pain.
The plan was that he'd give himself as an offering for sin
so that he'd see life come from it—life, life, and more life.
And God's plan will deeply prosper through him.

^11-12Out of that terrible travail of soul,
he'll see that it's worth it and be glad he did it.
Through what he experienced, my righteous one, my servant
will make many "righteous ones,"
as he himself carries the burden of their sins.
Therefore I'll reward him extravagantly—
the best of everything, the highest honors—
Because he looked death in the face and didn't flinch,
because he embraced the company of the lowest.
He took on his own shoulders the sin of the many,
he took up the cause of all the black sheep.

- Isaiah 53 (written approx. 700 years before the birth of Jesus)

Fast forward to approx. 33 AD. Before Jesus was convicted, he was brought before the council to be questioned, but he knew that they had already made up their minds. They said, "If you are the Christ, tell us." But he said to them, "If I tell you, you will not believe, and if I ask you, you will not answer. But from now on the Son of Man will be seated at the right hand of the power of God." (Luke 22)

And they beat him, scourged him, crucified him, and buried him. And after rising three days later, he appeared to his disciples. He said to them, "So thick-headed! So slow-hearted! Why can't you simply believe all that the prophets said? Don't you see that these things had to happen, that the Messiah had to suffer and only then enter into his glory?" Then he started at the beginning, with the Books of Moses, and went on through all the Prophets, pointing out everything in the Scriptures that referred to him. (Luke 24)

Who do you say he is?

Back Into Your Arms

Home
Come riding on a rushing wind
Blow through our hair and touch our skin
I want to feel You now like I felt You then

Strip away my calloused heart
Set Your arrow hit Your mark
Bring me back to where love starts
Bring me back to where You are

Father I'm running Father I'm coming home
I cannot go on
Your child is running, Father I'm coming home
Back where I belong

I know You've heard this all before
When I'm down and crying on the floor
Saying I want You and nothing more

But I'm breaking in my heart tonight
I've tried to stand I've tried to fight
But I cannot see without Your light
No I cannot breathe without You

When I saw you I was ashamed
You were pure and I was stained
But You ran to me and You called my name
There were tears of joy upon Your face

Let My Heart Defeat My Mind

This might hurt, it's not safe
But I know that I've gotta make a change
I don't care if I break,
At least I'll be feeling something
'Cause just okay is not enough
Help me fight through the nothingness of life

I don't wanna go through the motions
I don't wanna go one more day
without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,
"What if I had given everything,
instead of going through the motions?"

No regrets, not this time
I'm gonna let my heart defeat my mind
Let Your love make me whole
I think I'm finally feeling something
'Cause just okay is not enough
Help me fight through the nothingness of this life

'Cause I don't wanna go through the motions
I don't wanna go one more day
without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,
"What if I had given everything,
instead of going through the motions?"

Once Was Lost, But Now I'm Found.

To step out of your comfort zone when you feel as though God has called you to something different takes a ton of trust and faith... in not only him, but in your own ability to know what his will is. There have been so many instances of this lately, and though they've been everything ranging from unusual to almost overwhelmingly intimidating, the Lord has again and again proven to be so completely faithful in leading me safely through and the outcome is better than anything I could have thought up or planned out myself.

So tonight, I had plans to hang out with a friend of mine in San Diego. The plan was to have a relaxed night at her house, which I was in the mood for, but when we talked this afternoon there was a possible change in plans that meant she would be coming up here instead, and we'd be going with some friends of hers I hadn't met, to a bar I haven't been to in a long time. I wanted to hang out with her and I didn't want to be a hassle, so I agreed, though it wasn't what I had hoped or planned for.

I came home from work and laid on my bed and thought up a slew of valid reasons why I wasn't going to go. Aside from my foul mood and lack of energy, I've made an intentional effort to step out of the drinking/bar scene recently, and I didn't feel the desire to be back there. But something in me told me I really needed to go, so I dragged myself off the bed and got ready. It didn't seem to make sense that God would call me to go out to a bar when he's called me to do very much the opposite. I didn't want to drink and wasn't in the mood to chat with new people, but cheered up when I met her friends and settled in. We had a nice conversation (and some delicious chicken strips) but honestly spent most of the time wondering why I had felt so strongly that I was called to be there. I started doubting my ability to "test and approve" what God's will is, and my own faith in myself.

It wasn't until we were paying our bill and getting ready to leave that whatever we were talking about reminded her friend (one who I had just met) of her roommate, and all the things she's struggling with and the mess she's in. Most of this girl's story could have been my own testimony. It hit me so hard to hear how broken she is, knowing exactly what that pain feels like. I knew I needed to do something, so when we walked to our cars I gave her my information and asked her to pass it on to her roommate.

I don't know if she'll give it to her or what her roommate's reaction will be, but I believe with all my heart that if there is anybody who can understand fully where she is and see her without condemnation, but with love and the knowledge that even the most broken heart can be put back together and the emptiest places can be filled, it's me. God doesn't waste anything, and he shows me constantly that even my most painful pieces have very important purposes.

See that you do not look down on one of these little ones. For I tell you that their angels in heaven always see the face of my Father in heaven. What do you think? If a man owns a hundred sheep, and one of them wanders away, will he not leave the ninety-nine on the hills and go to look for the one that wandered off?And if he finds it, I tell you the truth, he is happier about that one sheep than about the ninety-nine that did not wander off.

In the same way
your Father in heaven
is not willing that any
of these little ones
should be lost.

Matthew 18:10-14

I started crying as soon as I got in my car (if you know me, you know the significance of tears) and I prayed for this girl the whole way home, and my heart just continues to break for her. I don't know her name or what she's doing right now (she's out of town), but I have a clear idea of what to pray for.

I would appreciate immensely if you would help me pray for her - that God would invade and fill in every part of her life; that he would heal and soothe all of the emotional and physical scars, that he would be her wall of fire and protect her from those influences that make her feel worthless and empty and encourage her to self destruct; that he would meet her in a tangible way right where she is that she couldn't avoid or deny; that he would speak to her in her dreams; that he would surround her with positive, loving and encouraging influences, who would show her how loved and valuable she is; that she would have the courage to contact and meet with me; and that the Holy Spirit would give me the right words and be a guiding presence in our interaction.

There are many more. I could go on. I can't describe how heavily this is on my heart.

For the Son of Man came to seek and to save what was lost.

Heavenly Father, you are so faithful in your promises and in your protection. I am so thankful for how you are continuously shaping me and giving me the courage to be obedient, even when I can't make sense of it or am overcome with fear and doubt. I know you don't give us more than we can handle, and I'm so thankful that you entrust me with so much. I am so grateful for this heart you've given me, and for the life you've led me through - each and every piece of it. You've gone before me Lord, and I trust you completely. Thank you for redeeming and renewing me the way you have and continue to. In Jesus' loving and forgiving name, Amen.