When I say I am a Christian...

When I say ..."I am a Christian,"
I'm not shouting "I am saved"
I'm whispering "I was lost!"
That is why I chose this way."

When I say..."I am a Christian,"
I don't speak of this with pride.
I'm confessing that I stumble and need someone to be my guide.

When I say..."I am a Christian,"
I'm not trying to be strong.
I'm professing that I'm weak and pray for strength to carry on.

When I say..."I am a Christian,"
I'm not bragging of success.
I'm admitting I have failed and cannot ever pay the debt.

When I say..."I am a Christian,"
I'm not claiming to be perfect,
My flaws are too visible but God believes I'm worth it.

When I say..."I am a Christian,"
I still feel the sting of pain.
I have my share of heartaches which is why I seek His name.

When I say..."I am a Christian,"
I do not wish to judge.
I have no authority, I only know I'm loved.

- Maya Angelou

But why... does it matter if who god is to us is different?

Q: What makes you so sure your god's the right god? If there were any god at all? I'm not atheist; I believe this planet is my god. And it doesn't matter, I have nothing to lose. Who cares?

A: "The creation of the world shows God's invisible qualities-his eternal power and divine nature-they have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse."

God, my God, is revealed in every minuscule detail of life - nature, people, science, relationships, etc. He's confirmed who He is (and His nature) in His word - which is confirmed by history, archaeology, prophecy, biology, etc. And around and around we go. He has given us every opportunity to know exactly who He is and who He is not, so that "men are without excuse." All other "gods" have proven themselves false, while God, my God, cannot be defeated.

You said you have nothing to lose, but there is plenty at stake.

• If I'm wrong, and there is nothing after this life, and no God, I lose nothing.
• If you're right, you gain nothing.
• If you're wrong, and what I've shared with you is true, you will have lost everything, eternally. You will have permanently separated yourself from the source of every pure, good, comforting, redeeming thing in this world, choosing instead a perpetual death.

You seem like you're convinced that God, my God, is not God. Therefore, no matter what I might show you, you will insist on interpreting it in a manner that aligns with your presupposition that god is whatever you decide him or it to be.

If I had a thousand eye-witnesses saying they saw Him, you'd say it was a mass hysteria. Even if I have incontrovertible evidence, your presupposition would force you to interpret the facts consistently with your presupposition and you would not be able to see the proof.

Just remember: Truth does not fear investigation.

But why... would I believe a fairytale?

Q: Why even believe the gospel? Haven't you heard? It's a fairytale, just some good brainwashing for a couple thousand years.

A: In terms of brainwashing, you're definitely onto something.

It is by none other than "...that ancient serpent called the devil, or Satan, who leads the whole world astray. He was hurled to the earth, and his angels with him."

He is the author of "...every sort of evil that deceives those who are perishing. They perish because they refused to love the truth and so be saved."

Jesus said, "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full."

In all seriousness - I know you meant the other way around. And I understand where you're coming from, because I was an atheist for 23 years.

On the contrary, with what I know now, I am willing to stake my life on this fact - Jesus Christ is God in the flesh, and lived and died and rose again to set me free of the eternal punishment I deserved. And he did it for you, too.

Are you willing to stake your life on the idea that its a fairytale? Because that's exactly what you're doing.

But why... is your god better than any other?

Q: It seems like what you're saying is "my god's better than your god" when the reality is no god's better then any god. If people weren't so infatuated with a relationship with some magical all-knowing being, they would concern themselves with their relationships with other people and themselves. Why are you even telling me this, what's in it for you?

A: I'm not saying my God is better, I'm saying my God is God. If I say I'm 25, but you say I'm 22, can we both be right? No. To say that no god is better than any other is like saying I can be both 22 and 25 simultaneously. Two opposing "truths" can't both be true.

It's because I love God that I love other people. The love that the world shows is very shallow, very conditional love. The only way we can even know what love really is (unconditional, undeserved, self-sacrificial) is by knowing the Lord. I forgive much because I have been forgiven of an infinite amount. So in terms of concerning myself with relationships, I absolutely do. And it all flows out of the divine love that I've been given.

I'm telling you this out of that love. I don't know you, I don't know your past or your mind or your heart or even how many hairs you have on your head, but God does. My love for you is because He first loved me.

I know who I was before I knew Him and I shudder at how lost I realize now I had been. We are all broken, we all need a savior. We have one. I know Him.

Are there any who understand, any who seek?

I saw this little poem posted on a discussion board in a Facebook group, and this is how I responded. (The poem is in bold, my own comments are italicized.))

There are only two things to worry about.

Either you are well or you are sick.
Jesus said, "It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance."

If you are well, then there is nothing to worry about.
Except that no one is well.
No one will be declared righteous in his sight by observing the (moral) law; rather, through the law we become conscious of sin.

But if you are sick, there are only two things to worry about.
So then, we are all sick. We are saturated in sin.
Clearly no one is justified before God by the law, because, "The righteous will live by faith."

Either you will get well or you will die.
For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ. He was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities. The punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed.

If you get well, there is nothing to worry about.
But all die. All die because all sin. Do you know anyone who has lived forever? I know One.
To you, Lord, I called, I cried for mercy: What gain is there in my destruction, in my going down into the pit? Will the dust praise you? Will it proclaim your faithfulness?

If you die, there are only two things to worry about.
Since death came through a man, the resurrection of the dead comes also through a man. In Adam all die, so in Christ all will be made alive.

Either you will go to heaven or hell.
Fear God and give him glory, because the hour of his judgment is coming very soon. Worship him who made the heavens, the earth, the sea and the springs of water.

If you go to heaven there is nothing to worry about.
He who overcomes will, like them, be dressed in white. I will never blot out his name from the book of life, but will acknowledge his name before my Father and his angels.

But if you go to hell, you'll grab a beer and meet up with your friends once you get there!
Everything you consider good (fun/comforting/pleasant) does not exist in hell. There are no friends, there is no beer. There is no life, only perpetual death.
I saw the dead, great and small, standing before the throne, and books were opened. Another book was opened, which is the book of life. The dead were judged according to what they had done as recorded in the books. If anyone's name was not found written in the book of life, he was thrown into the lake of fire.


The Lord looks down from heaven on the sons of men to see if there are any who understand, any who seek God.

Nebuchadnezzar, the ruler of Babylon - literally the ruler of all the world, came to know the Lord only after God "wooed him with suffering," as they say.

"Now I, Nebuchadnezzar, praise and extol and honor the King of heaven, for all his works are right and his ways are just; and those who walk in pride he is able to humble."

But why.... would He want me?

Q: "I've heard that God loves me, more than enough times. But that doesn't make sense. If he actually knows everything, then he knows everything I've done. And he can't possibly want anything to do with me. If anyone should be destined for hell, it's me."

When you say you'd be the first person to go to hell - I know the feeling. I should, based on what I've done in my life, be the last person allowed anywhere near a holy God, let alone to call Him Father. The Apostle Paul said the same thing (the same guy who wrote most of the New Testament letters)

"Here's a word you can take to heart and depend on: Jesus Christ came into the world to save sinners. I'm proof - Public Sinner Number One - of someone who could never have made it apart from sheer mercy. And now he shows me off - evidence of his endless patience - to those who are right on the edge of trusting him forever."

The thing about us, as people, is that we have ALL sinned - every single one of us. Though from our human perspective, its easy for us to start comparing ("Yes I stole a sweater, but that guy in jail stole a car!") but to an almighty and purely good God, all sin is sin. It's all completely contrary to who He is by nature. Jesus Himself said that if you think lustfully about someone, you've already committed adultery; if you think of someone with anger and resentment, its as though you've committed murder. By those standards, it seems that we all deserve the death penalty - I have yet to meet someone who has never lied, cheated, stolen, lusted, envied, etc... and I know I never will. (Ok, well - until I go to heaven to be with Him at least)

That's exactly it. None of us is worthy, in any capacity, of the love that was so generously poured out for us. None of us had any hope of approaching a holy God with our sin-saturated selves. But because of His love, His GREAT love, He chose to suffer and die on our behalf, even though we were the ones who deserved it. And because He is the only one who had never sinned (not once, not a little bit) and didn't deserve even a moment of that punishment, He rose from death. And when we know Him, He takes our record with red ink all over it, and trades us for His clean record.

'Clearly no one is justified before God by the law, because, "The righteous will live by faith."' (Gal. 3:11)

But why.... does evil exist?

Q: "I know you say God is good, but there is so much bad in this world. It makes no sense why he would allow it if he's really in control. If he hates sin so much, why does he let people sin?"

A: Every good and perfect gift is from above. God is good to a degree that we can't fathom because no one and nothing else is so good. So its hard to understand why there is so much bad in this world, right?

It's about choice. Free will. You want Him to stop people from doing what they're doing - but do you want Him to stop you from doing what you're doing? Do you want Him to take control over you and make you like a robot?

And if you were a robot, capable only of doing exactly what He wanted you to do, where would the joy come from His having a relationship with you? Forced love is not love at all. He created you to know you, and even though we've messed that up royally, he took on our punishment because He wants so much to have a relationship with us.

So yes, He allows evil and sin. But all things are for His glory, and seeing how distorted the world is just shows the contrast between a holy God and a sinful human race.

The fact that you even recognize the difference between good and evil is yet another indication of who God is and that we are created in His image. Had we not been made in His image, we'd have no concept of it. Animals don't know morals. Animals know instincts and patterns. But human beings innately have a moral code written into their makeup. Sure, people break this code regularly (again, sin) but its not because they don't know its wrong. They either have to justify why it was a special circumstance, or make an argument (even just to themselves) that what they did wasn't really breaking the code. Either way, they are still naturally aware that there is a code to be broken - each of us has a conscience.

A Bit of Doxology For My Loves

Dear friends -

Do not allow yourself to become discouraged by those who sneer at what they don't understand, and do whatever they feel like doing, following the whims of their sinful flesh. Do not be dismayed by those who hover like dark clouds when you come together, participating freely in your worship and fellowship and shamelessly taking more than what is offered. Their clouds hold no rain and their trees bear no fruit; they are lost stars traveling through space towards a black hole.

Remember, my friends, that the apostles saw this coming. "In the last days there will be people among you who don't take any of it seriously anymore. They'll treat what is precious like a joke, picking and choosing what they like and filling in the gaps with flesh-driven desires." They will divide you, living only by their natural instincts since they do not have the Holy Spirit.

But you, friends - you are different. Carefully build yourselves up in your most holy faith, praying in the Holy Spirit. Keep yourself planted, basking in the center of God's abundant love, waiting with open hands and outstretched arms for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ to bring you to everlasting life.

Treat those who doubt in the faith with compassion and patience. Go after those who take the wrong way vigorously - snatch them from the fire and save them. Do not be soft on sin; its filth defiles everything it touches. But be tender with the sinner, and approach him with love and fear for his soul.

And now to Him who can keep you on your feet, unstained and rejoicing, standing tall before Him in all His glorious presence - to the only God our Savior, be every bit of glory, majesty, strength, and rule from before time began to the far reaches of eternity. Amen!

In His love,
Brigitte

All That Matters Now

how many roads did i travel
before i walked down one that led me to you?
and how many dreams did unravel
before i believed in a hope that was true?
how long? how far?
what was meant to fulfill only emptied me still
and all you ever wanted....

only me
on my knees
singing holy, holy
and somehow
all that matters now is
you are holy, holy

how many deaths did i die
before i was awakened to new life again?
how many half truths did i bear witness to
'til the proof was disproved in the end?
how long? how far?
what was meant to illuminate only shadowed me still
and all you ever wanted...

only me
on my knees
singing holy, holy
and somehow
all that matters now is
you are holy, holy

and all i have is gratitude to offer you
you are holy

-Nichole Nordeman

"Be Mine" - A Love Letter

From He who made you in the first place:

Don't be afraid, I've redeemed you.
I've called your name. You're mine.
When you're in over your head, I'll be there with you.
When you're in rough waters, you will not go down.
When you're between a rock and a hard place, it won't be a dead end -
Because I am the King of kings, I am your God, The Holy One of Israel, your Savior.

I paid a huge price for you - all of Egypt, with wealthy Cush and Seba thrown in.
That's how much you mean to me!
That's how much I love you!
I'd sell off the whole world to get you back,
trade the creation just for you.

I want you back, every last one who bears my name,
every man, woman, and child
Whom I created for my glory,
yes, personally formed and made each one of you.

I am God. I spoke, I saved, I told you what existed
long before any of these other gods and philosophies came about.
I've always been God and I always will be God.

Listen to my words -
I am He who made you, who formed you in the womb, and who will help you:
Do not be afraid.
I will pour water on the thirsty land
and streams on the dry ground.

(Isaiah 43/44)

Tiny, Shivering Sparrows

There was a farmer who was, by nature, a skeptic.

One raw winter night the man heard an irregular thumping sound against the kitchen storm door. He went to a window and watched as tiny, shivering sparrows, attracted to the evident warmth and light inside, beat in vain against the glass.

Touched, the farmer bundled up and trudged through the fresh snow to open the barn door for the struggling birds. He turned on the lights and tossed some hay into the corner. But the sparrows, which had scattered in all directions when he emerged from the house, hid in the darkness, afraid.

The man tried various tactics to get them into the barn. He laid down a trail of Saltine cracker crumbs to direct them. He tired circling behind the birds to drive them toward the barn. Nothing worked. He, a huge, alien creature, had terrified them; the birds couldn't comprehend that he actually desired to help them.

The farmer withdrew to his house and watched the doomed sparrows through a window. As he stared, a thought hit him like lightning from a clear blue sky:

If only I could become a bird - one of them - just for a moment. Then I wouldn't frighten them so. I could show them the way to warmth and safety.

At the same moment, another thought dawned on him. He had grasped the reason Jesus was born.

-Paul Harvey

Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.
Matthew 10:29-31

I know someone who can.

You have built yourself a fine fortress
And you're the only one who holds the key
You've resolved to pilot your own ship
And you decide what all the rules'll be
No more asking for answers
No more cries for help
You've been hurt for the last time
That's what you tell yourself

I don't know much more than this
But I know someone who does
I was not there in your past
But I know someone who was
I can't heal what lies within
But I know someone who can
I know someone who can

It's a drag living life like this
Believe me, I've been there a thousand times
Spending everyday on the defense
And building walls no one could ever climb
Till somebody showed me my fortress was a cage
And granted me my freedom
Since then I haven't been the same

So you can lock me out
Of your life as you've designed it
But I know there's peace and
I'll be on my knees until the day you find it

Who do you say I am?

¹ Who believes what we've heard and seen? Who would
have thought God's saving power would look like this?

^2-6The servant grew up before God—a scrawny seedling,
a scrubby plant in a parched field.
There was nothing attractive about him,
nothing to cause us to take a second look.
He was looked down on and passed over,
a man who suffered, who knew pain firsthand.
One look at him and people turned away.
We looked down on him, thought he was scum.
But the fact is, it was our pains he carried—
our disfigurements, all the things wrong with us.
We thought he brought it on himself,
that God was punishing him for his own failures.
But it was our sins that did that to him,
that ripped and tore and crushed him—our sins!
He took the punishment, and that made us whole.
Through his bruises we get healed.
We're all like sheep who've wandered off and gotten lost.
We've all done our own thing, gone our own way.
And God has piled all our sins, everything we've done wrong,
on him.

^7-9He was beaten, he was tortured,
but he didn't say a word.
Like a lamb taken to be slaughtered
and like a sheep being sheared,
he took it all in silence.
Justice miscarried, and he was led off—
and did anyone really know what was happening?
He died without a thought for his own welfare,
beaten bloody for the sins of my people.
They buried him with the wicked,
threw him in a grave with a rich man,
Even though he'd never hurt a soul
or said one word that wasn't true.

¹⁰Still, it's what God had in mind all along,
to crush him with pain.
The plan was that he'd give himself as an offering for sin
so that he'd see life come from it—life, life, and more life.
And God's plan will deeply prosper through him.

^11-12Out of that terrible travail of soul,
he'll see that it's worth it and be glad he did it.
Through what he experienced, my righteous one, my servant
will make many "righteous ones,"
as he himself carries the burden of their sins.
Therefore I'll reward him extravagantly—
the best of everything, the highest honors—
Because he looked death in the face and didn't flinch,
because he embraced the company of the lowest.
He took on his own shoulders the sin of the many,
he took up the cause of all the black sheep.

- Isaiah 53 (written approx. 700 years before the birth of Jesus)

Fast forward to approx. 33 AD. Before Jesus was convicted, he was brought before the council to be questioned, but he knew that they had already made up their minds. They said, "If you are the Christ, tell us." But he said to them, "If I tell you, you will not believe, and if I ask you, you will not answer. But from now on the Son of Man will be seated at the right hand of the power of God." (Luke 22)

And they beat him, scourged him, crucified him, and buried him. And after rising three days later, he appeared to his disciples. He said to them, "So thick-headed! So slow-hearted! Why can't you simply believe all that the prophets said? Don't you see that these things had to happen, that the Messiah had to suffer and only then enter into his glory?" Then he started at the beginning, with the Books of Moses, and went on through all the Prophets, pointing out everything in the Scriptures that referred to him. (Luke 24)

Who do you say he is?

Does anybody even know that you're a Christian?

Does anybody even know that you're a Christian?

When you go to your school or your job, can anybody tell by your actions that you believe in God? Or can they not tell the difference between what you believe and how you act, because you're always at the club with a drink or talking about somebody else behind their back? And when they finally figure out you're a Christian they start talking behind yours, and you wonder why when people look at you they can't even respect the fact that you're a Christian anymore. You may be the only example they have. And if they can't tell the difference between your walk and their walk then they're not going to follow God's path.

Does anybody even know that you're a Christian? Do the people even know that the God in you is there? When somebody who doesn't believe in God loses somebody in their family, do they even think to go to you for prayer? Because they don't know where else to go? And if not, then when did Jesus become your personal secret for no one else to know? Are you serious? Jesus Christ didn't get stretched out on the cross as your testimony to be mysterious, because solid testimonies have saved souls, yet our testimonies lay low and we wonder why the world is raising hell? A lot of Christians are too worried about other people's opinions and too busy trying to save themselves.

I don't know what's worse - nobody even knowing I'm a Christian or the only people knowing I'm a Christian are the people at my church? What you have to understand is people sacrifice their lives to spread the love of Jesus throughout the earth, and you mean to tell me you're more worried about what other people may think or believe? What if Jesus was more concerned about other people's opinions than the salvation you received? They made him bleed until he bled all his blood, 'til he was dead, nails in feet, thorns in head - what if Jesus had been less concerned about spreading the gospel and more concerned with what other people said, instead?

But no, instead he stood for what's right - just so everybody in the world could know that "God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son, that whosoever believes in him will not perish but have everlasting life." Does anybody know that you're a Christian by your actions? Or does everybody think that you're a Christian because you're acting? And the only reason I'm asking is because half of us are putting on a facade, trying to treat our walk with God like we're expecting full time benefits when he's our part time job. But working for God's not a part time gig, its not a job, or a career, its a lifestyle that you live.

What you have to understand is that one soul's trash is another soul's treasure, and if you won't stand up and take the time, then pop culture will continue to convince them that Jesus can't save them. Does anybody know that you're a Christian? Are you letting his life shine through?

How many times are you going to deny Jesus before Jesus denies you?

-Karness, Lyricist Lounge

Entrusted.

The more I grow in my faith, the more of a sense of responsibility I feel for the people around me, and most recently my good friends. It makes me feel like a mama hen with chicks to nurture and love, and I am honored and inspired when they come to me with questions or wanting to learn with me. Wow! Whoever would have thought I would be here, today; November 10th, less than seven months after the day I met God for the first time.
Only a few months ago I was at a spot where I felt too self-conscious to talk openly about my relationship with him, always worrying what the other person would be thinking about me. As I learn how to "be bold in front of God" and put aside my uncertainties about being open and authentic, I am seeing how crucial that is. My friendships are deeper, our connections are more genuine, and God has been a powerful part of our conversations.
As I learn what it means to surrender (even down to my own doubts!) I watch him do miraculous things in the hearts of people I care about. How awesome is that!

Heavenly Father... Its only through you that I realize I have nothing to fear. Sometimes you lead me into situations I don't think I know how to handle but you're always faithful in getting me through them as I listen to you. Lord I pray that I would not lose sight of what you call me to do. I pray that you would not take your Holy Spirit from me, that you would continue to nudge me in the right directions, and that I would never give up listening. You know best, Father, even in those situations that seem scary and impossible, you prove to be right by my side with the best answer to all my questions. I couldn't possibly be more thankful for that, and for you, for the way you protect me and guide me. You've shown me so clearly in the past few days what an overwhelming freedom there is in surrendering to you, and what an incredible sense of joy there is at the end of even the darkest tunnels. Thank you Lord for loving me the way you do. Nothing in this world could ever compare. I pray that you would continue to stir up the hearts of those dear to me Lord, and that you would guide me in our conversations. I pray also that you would continue to strengthen me so that those around me could see the work you're doing in me. Lead me not into temptation, Lord, but deliver me from evil. Guard my heart Lord. I pray this all in your peaceful and powerful name, Amen.

An Important Week - Ministry

I had a very important week last week. There were a few big milestones in my walk with Christ that I wanted to share. (I'm breaking it up in parts, it was getting too long!)


Ministry

First off, June 26th was Serve Day. If you're unfamiliar, Serve Day is one day out of the year that is meant to be a catalyst; to inspire and connect people with opportunities to dig in and get involved in the communities around them.

There are tons of things to choose from, ranging from beach clean-ups to serving food to the homeless. I read almost every opportunity on the list, and after much internal deliberation about if I was choosing for God's needs or choosing for my own comfort and desires, I picked a project connected with Walking on Water ministry, and did ministry (meaning walking around and talking to people, making connections, inviting them to a screening of a Christian surf movie, and passing out free dvds) at the US Surf Open in Huntington Beach.

Before, during, and even after, though exhausted, I was feeling guilty. I had reasoned with myself that God blesses us with different talents and we should use them to further His kingdom... so I figured I'm great at making conversation and connecting with people, and I'm outgoing, so that's the project I'm best suited for. But I felt like I had too much fun.

In hindsight, I think no matter what project people chose, they got tons of joy out of it after all. But I was doubting my reasons for choosing that opportunity, and feeling like I must have picked it because it was spending the day at the beach and it seemed easy. It was truly exhausting (being in the sun for 9 straight hours and approaching hundreds of people with the same friendliness and enthusiasm the whole time takes a lot out of you) but I prayed that Christ would soften the hearts of the people I connected with and that the materials we handed out would plant the seed in their lives. I was rejected by quite a few people, some even laughing and throwing away what I gave them in my plain view, but for every person that rejected me, there were 10 who seemed genuinely intrigued and open. I really did feel the Holy Spirit was assisting me in connecting with the people I talked to though.

A few days later, I was talking to my best friend, who said he hadn't wanted to tell me ahead of time because he didn't want to scare me, but he was really impressed and inspired by the fact that I picked the hardest opportunity on the list. Like I said, I had been feeling very much the opposite, but he told me that doing ministry that is talking directly to and connecting with non-believers is just about the hardest thing one can do. He said especially since I'm new in my faith, it was a huge step for me. It made me feel a lot more at peace with the situation.