The Hurva Synagogue ---> Third Temple construction?

If you're someone who's interested in eschatology, you may find these things interesting.

I was reading about the Hurva synagogue (go here: Bible Prophecy in the News) which was dedicated today. A few different Jewish websites were talking about how significant it is, and how its resuscitation had brought about a revival in the Jewish faith... interesting right? And what is even more interesting: it was prophesied that upon completion of the third rebuilding of the Hurva Synagogue, the third temple would immediately begin construction. Crazy!

And on top of that, tomorrow is the (1st annual) International Temple Mount Awareness Day. It's also Rosh Chodesh Nisan - that marks not only the first day of the year and the first day of nisan, but also the day that the tabernacle in the desert was dedicated and the Shechina glory rested in the tabernacle.Nisan itself is seen as a month with a significant theme - new beginnings, rebirth, renewal, and redemption (it is the month that the Jews were brought out of Egypt, as well as the month that has Passover - the foreshadow of Christ's sacrifice on our behalf).

As the Temple Institute says on their website:

"Nisan is the month of Redemption, the month in which our forefathers were redeemed from Egyptian bondage. But the month is called so not only because of the upcoming Festival of Passover and our ancestors' passage from slavery to freedom. Tradition teaches that in the future, as well, the great and final redemption will take place in Nisan."

On a Jewish website where I found the info about Rosh Chodesh Nisan, they said that this day in the Hebrew calendar is specifically associated with this verse from Song of Solomon -

"May my Beloved come to His Garden, and eat of its Delightful Fruit - I have come to My Garden, My Sister, My Bride."

It seems that it is a pretty significant day. I'm not claiming anything big is going to happen. But its certainly something to consider... (Lord, come!)

A Bit of Doxology For My Loves

Dear friends -

Do not allow yourself to become discouraged by those who sneer at what they don't understand, and do whatever they feel like doing, following the whims of their sinful flesh. Do not be dismayed by those who hover like dark clouds when you come together, participating freely in your worship and fellowship and shamelessly taking more than what is offered. Their clouds hold no rain and their trees bear no fruit; they are lost stars traveling through space towards a black hole.

Remember, my friends, that the apostles saw this coming. "In the last days there will be people among you who don't take any of it seriously anymore. They'll treat what is precious like a joke, picking and choosing what they like and filling in the gaps with flesh-driven desires." They will divide you, living only by their natural instincts since they do not have the Holy Spirit.

But you, friends - you are different. Carefully build yourselves up in your most holy faith, praying in the Holy Spirit. Keep yourself planted, basking in the center of God's abundant love, waiting with open hands and outstretched arms for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ to bring you to everlasting life.

Treat those who doubt in the faith with compassion and patience. Go after those who take the wrong way vigorously - snatch them from the fire and save them. Do not be soft on sin; its filth defiles everything it touches. But be tender with the sinner, and approach him with love and fear for his soul.

And now to Him who can keep you on your feet, unstained and rejoicing, standing tall before Him in all His glorious presence - to the only God our Savior, be every bit of glory, majesty, strength, and rule from before time began to the far reaches of eternity. Amen!

In His love,
Brigitte

Introducing the Truth

We've got a false Jesus being portrayed. I've seen him on TV, acting cool - you see, he's changed - this different Jesus than from the Bible. So allow me to bring the real Christ on the stage. Not that whack Jesus, the one not-based-on-fact Jesus, too often displayed. The Christ in glory, not the one that leaves his Father dismayed. I mean the real Jesus, that only dwells in the saved.

So allow me to paint the picture of Christ in the Scriptures, preaching the faith and repentance that your too-cool Jesus never seems to mention. It seems like he's fine with all the things that you do, but come on - there's only one Jesus that is true. Which one will you let reign over you? Who? The millionaire Jesus, who just wants to make you rich? Give you some money and fame to prove that you are blessed? The Kanye West Jesus who walks with no holiness? Which one will you choose?

I think it's long overdue to have a reintroduction of Christ, so there won't be any confusion as to which one is right - because one leads to death, and the other is life. Allow me to reintroduce Christ - he's been distorted by the people and it's just not right. He's not someone you can pimp around to propel your cause, or a name for you to proclaim to cover up your flaws.

Look, if this is you then you're serving a different boss, your Christ is an idol, and you're probably lost - because the Christ in the Scriptures gave a call to forsake all, not to wear a cross but to take up your cross and follow him. We were holding a death sentence because of our sin, and it's his mercy that his wrath hasn't burned times ten. It's like Sodom and Gomorrah but a curse within. You see, he gives us a chance to learn of him so that he can be glorified in his rightful place. So if we're serving this imitation Jesus, its like a blatant slap in the face, distorting his grace and disregarding his sacrifice. Like the Purpose Driven Jesus, who prophecies you'll be used by him before you're given new life. Or the SAT Jesus, who helps you on all your tests and quizzes, gets you into college, allows you to pass math and physics. Or the homosexual Jesus who doesn't see you sinning. Which one will you choose?

So I think it's long overdue to have a reintroduction of Christ, where there won't be any confusion as to which one is right, because one leads to death and the other is life. Allow me to reintroduce the Christ - not someone where we can cover his mouth, so we can continue to indulge in our dirt, as if he doesn't require us to repent from all sin, to be born again, to never blend in. This world is a material girl, she's got you seduced, she feeds you phony Jesus that doesn't want to save you from your sins but just wants to hang out with you - like "Jesus is my homeboy" or "Jesus got me employed" or "Jesus is my decoy."

Would the real Jesus please stand up? The one who is true? Because he's been pushed down and these idols have been elected up to the point where if the real Jesus came back right now, some would probably hang him upside down on one of these beams and crucify him again, because he's not down with their sin. It hurts me to see how his own people will defend their lifestyle. Don't we want to know Christ? The one who willingly gave his life? Who sets us free from our sin, you see? And I must do this by any means necessary, and never hide the light. So tonight, I'm going to introduce Jesus Christ. He's been distorted by the people and it's just not right.

And one day he is coming back, and its important that you recognize him, because the Scriptures talk about that. There will be many who say they are Jesus, but which one is fact? You've got to look in the Bible to see about that - that he's coming on the clouds with power and glory, and every knee will bow and testify to his authority. So the Jesus of the Scriptures better take priority - not the one that's excepted easily by the majority, when he himself said the world would hate him. So why all of a sudden does the world want to date him?

Hopefully you haven't given into this come-as-you-are/stay-as-you-are Jesus, this "He has this wonderful plan for my life" Jesus, the "you don't need repentance" Jesus, the all-roads-lead-to Jesus. I hope you haven't given into this, but that you serve the one who is holy, because it would be something if on Judgment Day, the Jesus you've been serving was falsely an angel of light, which covered a legion of demons masquerading as Christ. All this time serving a Jesus who's not been pierced in his feet and his wrists, has no sword coming out of his mouth, no rod of righteousness - and go on day by day and willingly miss him, when it turns out you were serving a created image headed straight for the abyss.

Let's get into Scripture, so we're not fooled by this Jesus who when we're sinning, he stands by us quiet. Giving into this Jesus that the world loves - the Jesus who is cool with your lies and sex and vanity and phony love - and all the things that caused Christ in the Scripture to shed blood. Let's make sure we're serving the right Christ, not a wolf in sheep's clothing that's got you enticed.

The true one. The wants-to-make-you-new one. The only begotten Son.

-Blair Wingo
http://www.p4cm.com

Awakened.

*Before I start, I'd just like to say,
I made it onto the Motion writing team.
It's an empowering feeling to be able
to use a gift the way that God intended me to,
for his glory.*

My church set this week aside to focus all of our attention on God so that we'd be open to hearing what he had to say about the coming ministry year for our church and for ourselves.

There were many spiritual disciplines that we were going to practice, none of which I had experienced before. But I went all in. Here's what my week looked like.

• Wake up at 4:45am.
• Be at church by 6am for contemplative prayer and quiet time.
• Leave at 7am for home, pray, journal, read, and get ready for work.
• Work 9:30am to 6pm. Use lunch break to study the bible. (I also wrote down any verses that stuck out to me, which as I write this entry and read over them, I realize how closely they correlate with the events of the week. I've included a few.)
  
• Drive straight to church for evening service.
• Worship/pray from 7pm to 10pm.
• Drive home. Journal or read, pray.
• Sleep around 11pm.

(Repeat)

I was also fasting. I have been reading a lot about and have been wanting to experience it for myself. I'd planned to fast only lunch, and to use that half hour a day to read and focus and pray, but I felt called to push myself further than that. I can't say I was completely consistent though, there were two nights after church that I really needed to eat something. I also fasted from the things that normally capture all of my attention: internet, TV, etc. I really spent all of my time (minus work) devoting my energy to God.
It was intense, to say the least.

I went into it with expectations, or at least hopes, that I would get a clear message from him; a word, a phrase, an image. I wanted to know if I'm in the right place, doing the right things. I wanted to know what was up ahead. I thought I could ask God for what I wanted to hear and I would get the answer I was looking for. But that wasn't what God was calling me for.

"Many are the plans in a man's heart,
but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails."
Proverbs 19:21

They said a lot about how we were there to be ministered to, but also to minister to other people. I didn't know how I'd fit into that. I had never prayed out loud, either in a group or for someone. I didn't see how I was fit to minister to anyone. Who am I to do that?

"His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness
through our knowledge of him who called us
by his own glory and goodness."
2 Peter 3:11

There were a lot of moments where God pushed me beyond my comfort zone. I had honestly never vocalized a prayer, not even by myself. And the first time was in a group with people I didn't know, and my assigned prayer was for the last few months of George W.'s presidency (which, if you know me, was pretty ironic), and I have to say, I was so worried about if I was saying the right things that I don't think it was much of a prayer to God but to the people in my group. It got easier each night, as we were led to pray in groups over different things and I became a lot more comfortable. Another first was praying for someone out loud. Thursday it was for healing of a girl with cystic fibrosis, and it was a strong experience of loving a complete stranger.

To be completely honest, I spent the first few days in self-serving expectancy, praying that he would speak to me, please! God, where are you!? All I can hear is my voice echoing back at me! The leaders kept talking about how if we couldn't feel anything or hear anything, it was probably because there was something standing in our way. And I knew this must be true, but all the self-analysis in the world couldn't have gotten me there. My prayers turned to a longing to know what was in my heart that I didn't see.

"Ask and it will be given to you;
seek and you will find;
knock and the door will be opened to you."
Matthew 7:7

When I finally started to just be still and quiet, God uprooted some significant truths about myself that I hadn't even been aware of. It took one sentence in one prayer I received from a girl I'd never seen before to reveal a lot of pain I had so hidden away I couldn't find it. I felt like I'd been broken in half.

"But we have this treasure in jars of clay
to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us.
We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed;
perplexed, but not in despair;
persecuted, but not abandoned;
struck down, but not destroyed."
2 Corinthians 4:7

I ran across the hall to talk to someone in the prayer room and my story came spilling out, along with all of my worries and fears and doubts about God's love and about ever finding someone to love me like that. Things I had never been honest about, not even with myself. The girl I was talking to sat listening and didn't seem to know quite what to say, but I just felt like I needed to get everything on my heart out. When the service ended, I sat on one of the couches and wrote in a journal they had for people to write in. In a jumbled mess I tried to recount all the things that had come up. I prayed for God's help in keeping that wall broken down so that it could be healed, and not concealed again.

Of all the things that resurfaced, one major theme was how much emphasis I put on what people think of me. I spend more energy and thought on earning people's admiration than I had any idea, because deep down I'm afraid that people will leave me. I can say a million times that it's God's opinion that matters and no one else's, but in reality, I am incredibly self-conscious. The more I thought on it, the more I realized how many years worth of bricks I had laid down in an attempt to build up a person that people would like and respect and stick with; so much so that I don't even begin to know myself. One of the most painful things about it was the fact that I have never truly worshipped God, because I've always been so concerned about what people will think of me. It's never been from the heart; it's just been singing.

I'm still far from letting go of the concern about what people think, but realizing how much it affects the way I live is the first step to releasing it. It was on Thursday night that I truly worshipped from my heart for the first time and wasn't thinking about who was watching. It was the first night that I've been filled by the spirit in months.

It took God all week to answer my prayers that he break down the barrier keeping me distant, but he did, and I am so thankful for it. As intense of an experience as it was, I couldn't have asked for anything more.

As an end to the week, we spent Friday night recounting all that God had done in our church. They had a few people get up and read excerpts from the journals people had been writing in, and it felt like the floor beneath me dropped away when they read my journal aloud to a packed room. I wanted to cry and hide and smile all at the same time. After my journal entry, they read one written by a girl on Thursday who had been prayed over; she wrote about how thankful she was for prayer for her cystic fibrosis and how she was reawakened to the joy and comfort that only God can provide.

Not only did my Heavenly Father remind me how much his love doesn't need to be earned but is given freely and without limit, but he showed me how he is using me to love and comfort and minister to others, even when I don't believe I'm capable of that myself.

"Whoever finds his life will lose it,
and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it."
Matthew 10:38

The most peaceful truth I can sink into is knowing that the most powerful, mighty creator of the universe who knows and sees all, loves me more than I will ever be able to comprehend, and is eternally faithful.

I wear my 'Awakened' dog-tag (which ROCKHARBOR had imprinted and gave out) now as a reminder to keep my eyes not only fixed on him, but wide open always.

I ended this week tonight, in a celebration service with all of my new team members, and when they asked if anyone had anything to share about this past week I got up in front of my church (wow, you really don't realize how many people are there until you're standing in front of them holding a microphone) and described everything that happened. And after the service I had all kinds of people come up and thank me for sharing my story. I continue to be in awe of the fact that I would be able to minister to anyone at all, being so new in my faith. Then again, God doesn't really have a track record of only choosing the most mature, sinless, righteous people for his works.

"Do not comform any longer to the pattern of this world,
but be transformed by the renewing of your mind."
Romans 12

God In Motion

As you know if you have been following for awhile, I started this blog the day after I attended ROCKHARBOR (and church, for that matter!) for the first time, met God very directly, and was instantly changed. I knew after such a powerful experience that I needed to document my walk in a new faith and the incredible things that were taking place in my life. My friend who had been at church with me that night asked if he could share what I had written, and of course I agreed, without knowing who he intended to send it to. He had sent it to a few pastors, some of which he knows from earlier in his life (like his youth pastor), and some who call ROCKHARBOR home, including our teaching pastor, who had given the sermon that first night... You can imagine my surprise!

Out of that initial connection have come a great many things. I have developed a fellowship with his youth pastor online. We've had some great conversations and I'm so thankful for how generously he shares his wisdom and faith whenever I have questions! When one of the pastors from ROCKHARBOR read it, he said it would be a good story for Motion. Neither of us knew what Motion was so we read some of it online. It's a bi-monthy magazine our church produces, which is filled with first hand accounts of how God is moving through ROCKHARBOR. (Check out the online archive here.) I fell in love with the rawness and honesty of the stories and how inspiring it was to see God impacting lives in all kinds of circumstances.

I continued reading it over the next couple months, and felt called to get involved, but I didn't know how to go about that. I've always loved to write and as a loving and devoted follower of Christ, it seemed like a great fit. I flipped to the back page to find the email address of the editor, and sent him a quick note asking if he needed any help. He told me there would be an open enrollment for the writing team soon, and we kept in touch through email for a few months until the time came for the informational meeting and a try-out assignment.

The assignment was to write our own Motion Life-Story; is a time when God transformed our lives, and who we had been before and how we were changed after. Though the past five months have provided endless options, my choice was obvious. I retold the story of my first night at church, and included a lot more honest background of who I had been before and who I am today. (Find the final edit below.)

I submitted my assignment last week and am now just waiting to hear back.

It's something I've been wanting to be involved in since I first read it and have spent the past few months hoping it would happen. I spent some good hours and a lot of energy on my try-out, and have relived some difficult memories in the process. And as much as it's something I've wanted to do, I'm not praying that I make it on the team anymore. My prayers now just ask that his will be done and that I go where I will be most beneficial to him.

I smile when I recognize God revealing himself in surprising ways, even during those times when I think I have everything figured out, and it becomes clear I don't. Its humbling to remember that, but there is so much comfort in knowing that he can see far beyond what I can, and knows and wants the best for me.

I have peace on the subject. I'm not worried about whether or not I'll make the writing team. Life happens, and its far from predictable. I trust that if writing for Motion is his will, it will happen. And if that isn't his will, he has something else up ahead for me. I know he called me there, but only time will tell why. Its exciting to see what God is going to do next.

Faith is not about looking before you leap and then deciding if you feel like jumping, but simply saying, "yes, Lord." No one knows better than he does, is more trustworthy, or loves us more.

So, with my eyes closed I say yes, Lord! Only time will tell where I'm going to land. I can't wait to see!


******************************************************************


And now, the story.

Looking Through God's Eyes

Growing up, I never knew God. I’m an only child of divorced parents, and while there was plenty of conflict between them, a lack of religion was one subject they agreed on. On one side I had my mom, a non-practicing Catholic, and on the other I had my dad, a non-practicing Jew.

I was raised to believe physical appearance the most important quality. It was clear from a young age that if there was something "wrong" with how you looked, you changed it, no matter what the cost. And I was far from of this idea of beauty. I was chubby. I had frizzy hair. I wasn't cute. I wasn't athletic. I wasn't popular. As I got older and became more aware of what I looked like versus what I was "supposed" to look like, my self-esteem plummeted. I came home in tears the day my first crush started dating my best friend. My consolation prize was getting my hair highlighted for the first time and new makeup. Whether it was intentional or not, the message was that if he hadn't picked me, I must not be pretty enough.

In high school my lack of confidence consumed me. I never had a boyfriend and it felt like I didn't deserve one. Despite education on eating disorders, at home I was told that it would be healthier for me to be anorexic than overweight. My mom promised she would quit smoking when I quit eating. By senior year, I was overcome by depression and severely limited what I ate. When I met my first boyfriend, it felt like a reward for my suffering. I was finally desirable to someone, and I made excuses for the way he treated me. So did my family.

When I got to college we broke up, and I started getting lots of attention I wasn't used to. It was a thrill to be found attractive, and I thrived on it. But no matter what, I still hated my appearance. Soon my craving for affection led me down a dark road. With everything I knew I couldn't distinguish the line between being wanted and being used. I convinced myself that my promiscuity was an expression of how free I was, when in reality it was a reflection of how broken my heart was. I ached for someone to love me, but I couldn't admit that to anyone, especially myself. Sex lost all meaning.

One summer, I moved next door to two guys who were best friends but polar opposites; Nick, the wild one who drank every night and slept around, and Peter, a sweet Christian guy who abstained from sex and alcohol all together. I fell for Peter instantly. I knew he would never want a girl like me, and I quickly cleaned up my act. I know it was God who was trying to pull me out of my emptiness, but I didn’t know it then.

Peter and I hung out all summer, but he didn’t how I felt about him. When he and my roommate started dating, I was crushed. At a party one night, and his best friend Nick started coming on to me. After too many drinks I went home with him, relieved to be wanted again. As the alcohol wore off I realized what I was doing and practically ran home. I tried to brush my teeth but I couldn’t even look in the mirror. I couldn’t fool myself anymore. I didn’t leave the house for three days, afraid that I’d see one of them.

A friend finally talked me into going out for lunch, but we didn’t get far. A few blocks from my house, another car ran through an intersection and hit me, totaling my car. We were relatively unharmed, although my face and chest were cut and burned from the airbag. In shock, we pushed the car to the side of the road and walked home, where I saw Nick washing his car outside. He looked at me, bleeding, and said nothing. The accident had shaken me, but that hurt much worse.

I’ve heard it said that car accidents are a wakeup call from God, but I didn’t see it like that. Not yet.

It was that afternoon that I made the choice to be abstinent until I was in a serious relationship. I told my friends, and they joked about it, thinking it would never last. But it did, and after two years of renewing my sense of what sex meant, I met someone who valued me far beyond how I valued myself. I poured my heart into it, but being unable to love myself also meant I didn’t know how to be loved by someone else. I never felt worthy of the way he felt about me, and after a few years it finally pushed us apart. I felt my world was crumbling all over again.

I knew I was missing something, though I wasn’t sure what it was. I casually dated some great guys but it never became serious. I was emotionally shut off. It felt good to be more independent but there was still an emptiness that I couldn’t explain. I still didn’t like anything about myself, and hoped for the day that someone would love me enough to fix that.

In the early Spring of 2008, I met someone different from anyone I had ever met. His relationship with God is the biggest part of his life. I had never wanted anything to do with that, but as he would talk something started stirring in me that I couldn’t explain. Having never been to church, I was too nervous to go, but I started listening to sermons on the ROCKHARBOR website. Any time I would read or talk or think about God, I would get this anxious, excited feeling in my heart, though I wouldn’t admit that it was having any effect on me. The relationship was short, but he left a lasting impression.

It was a Sunday afternoon in April when I realized I wasn’t apprehensive about going to church anymore. I asked a friend if I could go with him to the service at ROCKHARBOR that night, but I played it cool. I was afraid I wouldn’t feel anything, and I didn’t want to let anyone down.

The message that night was called Sex is Powerful. It was about how huge of an emotional connection sex is, why God calls us to wait until marriage, and no matter where we’ve been we have the opportunity to start fresh. God can redeem us. It helped me understand that even with the mistakes I had made, all the scars could be healed. I realized that it wasn’t enough to wait for a relationship to be serious, and I knew then I would wait until marriage.

Although I had felt good about being there, I was still so foreign to me. As we were shuffling out, my friend spotted a pastor he knows and I told him I would meet him in the lobby. As I walked out I caught a glimpse of Peter and Nick, the two friends I had lived next door to. Five years ago. 200 miles away from where I stood. The ones I hadn’t spoken to since.

I rushed back in to find my friend. Trembling, I gave him a 30 second synopsis of everything that happened years ago and since then. Shaking, we walked back into the lobby. They saw me and said hello, looking almost as surprised as I was. My heart raced. At that second everything clicked. I had no idea how I had ever been able to see the world and not see God in it. After a few minutes we went our separate ways. I didn’t say much the rest of the night, and as soon as I got home I wept for all the years I had felt lost and alone, because I wasn’t.

They say that the moment you die, your life flashes before your eyes. In those moments my old life ended, and it did. I saw God in everything. Every painful step of my journey made sense, and it didn’t hurt anymore. He was there with me in the lobby at ROCKHARBOR and He had always been, faithfully waiting until the moment I would realize that His love is the only love I need. He led me there to show me I had been redeemed. We can change our own minds, but only God is capable of changing our hearts.

The following Sunday on the way to ROCKHARBOR, my friend and I were going through an intersection a few blocks from his house when we were hit hard. It was almost identical to the accident I had been in five years before. But this time, as we stood on the sidewalk, relatively unharmed and watching the emergency vehicles swarm the scene, I had to keep myself from smiling. Because this time, I knew why I had made it out safely. I was overcome with peace and gratefulness.

God is continuously molding my heart and revealing to me the things that hold me back. As I gain greater understanding on what it means for my whole life to be an act of worship, I’ve realized that hating myself, one of God’s creations, is far from worshipful.

On the outside I’m the same person I was five months ago, but for the first time I can see myself through God’s eyes. I’ve finally learned to love myself just as He created me.

An Important Week - A Different Church

A Different Church

I had told my friend a few weeks ago that as much as I love ROCKHARBOR, I wanted to start experiencing other churches, because it was the only place I had ever been to and I wanted to know what went on in other ones. The night before Serve Day was a good time to start, because there was a celebration service at Mariner's Church, a mega-church in Irvine where one of my friends' fathers is a pastor. I enjoyed the service very much, though there weren't many people there, and felt really comfortable there. That Sunday, my friend and I went to their "Sunday Night" service, which is brand new and takes place in a small room above the worship center. There were about 30 people there, and everyone sits in a circle to worship, pray (a lot, I liked that), and listen to the message. It had a good sense of community, but I know that I like to feel the power of a room packed with hearts on fire for Christ.

This past Sunday, I went to Saddleback Church, another nearby mega-church where Rick Warren (author of Purpose Driven Church and Purpose Driven Life) is senior pastor. Though I had heard about their "rock and roll" services, I opted for the regular one, as I wanted to experience the "normal" church service. As I passed by Overdrive (the "rock" service) I heard great music booming from inside and saw floods of smiling, energetic young people crowding in expectantly.

I kept walking and finally reached the worship center... this place is huge. I walked in during worship, feeling guilty that I had missed that time to worship, but found that a good majority of the attendees were late as well. I was handing an outline and found a seat towards the top. After some announcements, the worship began again, and though the leader asked everyone to stand, a lot of people stayed seated. I stood, and was aware that I was the only one in my area singing. But I pushed my self-consciousness aside and remembered why I was singing. I saw three pairs of hands held up in praise out of the thousands in the room. The band prayed over us, and before we sat we were asked to say hi to some people around us. I quickly turned around and started introducing myself to the people sitting around me, but it seemed as though most people just sat down.

I sat, and the message began. I felt this stale, lifeless air all around me; this energy of "I dare you to make me feel something" as the pastor spoke, and it was discouraging. I said a silent prayer that God would awaken their hearts so they could have a close relationship with Him as well. Many of the people still wore their Bluetooth device and were talking quietly during the service. I wondered why they were there. I really enjoyed the message, and got a lot of good information out of it. It was about the bible from its very origins; who wrote it, how it was compiled, what it is used for, how its misinterpreted, and how we can try to connect with it better. As the pastor referred to scripture and I flipped through my bible to find the page, I realized no one around me had a bible with them, but were reading the words off of the outline we were given. It ended with the second side of the page, which was a "fill in the blank" and true/false activity that the pastor led.

As soon as the message ended and the pastor finished praying, the worship band came back up on stage and started playing and about half of the congregation jumped out of their seats and shuffled out the door! I've never left church early, but I left too, because I knew my heart wasn't in the right place to worship. I couldn't feel God's presence there. I left feeling empty.

That night, my friend and I decided to go to our good ol' home-church, ROCKHARBOR, and I can't begin to explain what a good idea that was. God was there! There was no doubt about it. We sat in the middle amidst a crowd of passionate followers of Christ and I could feel the presence of God physically and emotionally. The message was fantastic, and just what I needed to hear. It was about why we do the things we do, and how to do them so as to please God, not to be driven by the wrong influences. When we worshiped, I truly worshiped God with my whole heart and any sense of self-consciousness or doubt was washed away. It was such a moving experience.

I will continue to experience other churches because I feel the need to know and understand the body of Christ as a whole. But I do really love ROCKHARBOR. This weekend was such a great reminder of what keeps me coming back every weekend with an expectant, excited heart.

Beyond all the details, God is so good to me. I felt myself becoming more and more distant from Him, and started to wonder why HE was leaving me! Oh, the silly things I come up with. God never leaves me, this I know. But its up to me to choose to hang out with Him, make Him a priority, and fix my eyes on Him alone. It's up to me, and it's certainly not about me. It's all about Him!

I've had A Purpose Drive Life, by Rick Warren, sitting on my bookshelf for quite some time now. After reading the Prologue and seeing that you're supposed to read only one chapter a day for 40 straight days, I had set it aside, thinking I couldn't commit. But as it says, we live on average 25,550 days. What reason on earth would we have for not being able to commit 40 of them to figure out our purpose for the rest of them?? When you think about it like that, it sounds absurd that we couldn't devote a few minutes (a measly few minutes!) to getting to know God and His plan for us better. Oh, the way our minds work. So I am committed. Today was my second day, and so far I've learned more than I expected. One of the last sentences of the chapter today even made me cry! No joke, sitting on my bed, and the tears started flowing. I needed this.

In other news, I have an informational meeting/writing audition on Wednesday for the writing team for ROCKHARBOR's publication, Motion. Since I love to write and I love God, it seems like the perfect opportunity for me. I know I'm really touched by the stories in it, and I'd love to be a part of touching the hearts of other readers. Please pray for me!




Lord, you've rekindled the fire in my heart and reminded me what peace You bring. I know you have big plans for me and I know that you'll see me through anything. You're my reason, for loving, laughing, caring, breathing. You're the reason. I'm only here because you will me to be. Thank you God for the unbelievable grace you show me constantly. I see You now more than ever and I pray that I will continue to do so. Lead the way, Lord. I'm yours. In Jesus' name. Amen.

Water From The Rock

I was saying last night, I've been pleading with God to show me what His will is in a way I can recognize, because I think I'm so caught up in what I want that I can't tell what He wants. Even after a few pretty obvious signs yesterday, I think my heart wasn't in the right place to internalize them.

We went to church tonight, and the message was focused around being involved in their series of outreach projects during the summer, which is called Go. Todd, the church's lead pastor, was telling us why we give ourselves away. Sometimes in our lives, we get so caught up in what we're doing that we completely lose sight of the plot. It's easy to forget the reasons why. His example was going to church; we go to honor and praise the Lord. So we go for an hour and a half each week, and we spend a lot of it singing songs of worship to Him. But the real worship is not as much in song as it is in life. When we reach out to those who are struggling, forget our own worries and comforts and details, and focus our energy on helping someone who needs it more than we do, we are worshiping Jesus in our actions. It's easy to go through the motions. We experience actual growth when there is love and praise behind them.

He talked about how easy it is to be so directed on figuring out ourselves from the inside that we can't even hear God when he speaks to us. Sounds familiar. We can spend so much time and energy scrutinizing every one of our thoughts and misguided actions and wondering what on earth it is that we are supposed to be doing, when the answer could be sitting right in front of us, staring us in the face. It takes a tremendous amount of faith and submission to trust that the Lord sees even when we can't, and to stop trying to plan everything for ourselves. It really spoke to me.

He first referenced Psalms 95:6-9, describing a flock of sheep; a species of animal that we know is 100% dependent on being guided and taken care of. There are so many factors out there that would threaten their wellbeing that sheep couldn't survive in the wild on their own.
Neither can we.

Come, let us bow down in worship,
let us kneel before the Lord our maker,
for he is our God
and we are the people of his pasture,
the flock under his care.

Today, if you hear his voice,
do not harden your hearts as you did at Meribah,
as you did that day at Massah in the desert,
where your fathers tested and tried me,
though they had seen what I did.

He explained that Meribah and Massah were alters that Moses had set about as he led the Israelites out of slavery in Egypt. It was custom to set up an alter at a place where the Lord had done something incredible. But Meribah and Massah were not the common alter; they didn't honor God. They represented a spot where the people had quarreled and doubted God and tested Him when their own earthly needs were not immediately met.

As Moses was rescuing the Israelites from Egypt and lives of slavery as the Lord had led him to do, they became thirsty walking through the desert. Though they were assured that there was a much better life up ahead, they lacked the faith to believe that. They complained to Moses, to a point of wanting to turn around and go back to being slaves in Egypt, where at least they had water to drink. He asked them, "Why do you put the Lord to the test?" (Exodus 17:2) And when Moses cried out to Him and asked what he was to do, God showed him a rock that he could strike and water would pour out for them to drink. Even after such a miracle, these blind wanders asked him, "Is the Lord among us or not?" (Exodus 17:7)

The first thought, of course, is how could the Israelites stand there and witness such incredible miracles, and STILL doubt the existence of God and all the blessings he had in store for them? Todd described how they could still be so skeptical as spiritual Alzheimer's. It goes beyond a loss of memories from specific events and to a broader way of being where one's loss of faith becomes so all-consuming that no matter what they see or hear, their heart is too hardened to be able to witness it. They are constantly demanding Him to "prove it." No matter how much lays ahead for them and what plans the Lord has for them, they are of so little faith that they would rather turn and go back to their own Egypt (which could be anything from an empty heart, bad habits, unsuccessful relationships, substance abuse) than to submit themselves to His will and trust that He will lead them to something immensely better in the long run.

I felt as though something had woken up inside of me.

On my drive home, I was listening to The Fish 95.9 as usual, and when a song I love came on the radio, it occurred to me that I never listen to all the lyrics.

I'm waking up
The world is turning
The sun is shining again
I'm holding on
To things I shouldn't
It's time to let them go
I've been on a losing streak
Hit so hard I couldn't speak
But when I hear Your voice it fades away

And I can hear You say
It's a brand new day
The pain goes away
I'm headed for the door
And I'm going home

Your love, it burns
Away my darkness
You guide me when I'm blind
You are the light
That shines inside me
Showing me I'm
So much more
When I've been on a losing streak
Hit so hard I couldn't speak
But when I hear Your voice it fades away

Take me into Your arms
My home lies within Your heart

After the message tonight and hearing that song, I realized I really am holding on to things I shouldn't. I've been trying to go back to my Egypt because it seems safer than blindly following where God leads me. I was so set on having it my way that I wouldn't let God speak to me. There's one thing I've been milling over in my head, though; how it could really have been only meant for a short time, yet we had all this amazing chemistry and connection?

I'm still going to have sad feelings, but my focus has shifted. It isn't where He is leading me. I want to devote my energy and my heart to being a servant of God. He will take care of the rest.

I see You everywhere, Pt 2

I'm in awe every single day of the blessings that surround us, and I can't even remember how I was so blind to the things that go on around me. His Holy Spirit is so present in our lives.

My walk in faith has just begun, and as you know if you've been reading from the beginning, hit me like a ton of bricks! I'm not one to be "talked into" anything; as any of my friends would tell you, I'm pretty strong-willed and I need to know every detail before I will consider changing my mind on something.

So as you can imagine, my recent realization of the Lord has come as a shock to not only me, but my friends and my family. Though it's been surprising, I haven't run into any nay-sayers just yet, which I am thankful for, although it wouldn't sway my heart. Even my friends who are non-believers have been incredibly supportive of my newfound relationship with God.

The other day, I was talking to a good friend of mine, who is atheist and up until a couple months ago, we had identical views on spirituality. I was telling her about my baptism, because she wanted to know how it went. I not only told her about how incredible the event itself was, but also how thankful I felt for the series of events that took place: my ex coming to church despite his former protests, the pastor giving the most perfect message, and his heart having changed over that 45 minutes. I told her how I had been praying for him every night and how incredible it was to see my prayers being answered before my eyes. Coincidentally, she and her boyfriend broke up the day of my baptism, and she was having a really hard time with it. She couldn't understand why I seemed so calm and satisfied despite my heartache, but I explained that the salvation of his heart and spirit were much more important to me than our being together, and seeing God breathe life back into him was all I could want. As much as I want to be with him, I know that isn't for me to worry about - getting his heart back in the right place is the first priority, and I know that the Lord will take care of the rest, like in Matthew 6.

Hours later, I got a phone call from her. She had been reading my blog (if you're reading this, Hi! <3) and listening to me talk about the comfort I have found in knowing that God is ultimately leading my life and everything will work out for the best if I look to him rather than to myself. She called me later to tell me that after hearing so much about what has changed in me recently, it made her wonder if something was missing in her heart too. She wanted to know what I know that makes me feel so at peace with my life. And she wanted a "favor" (girl, you're crazy, it's my pleasure!): she wanted me to take her with me to church a few times, and she wants to go in with an open heart and open mind and see how she feels about everything. I can't begin to describe the feeling of knowing I touched someone to a point of possibly softening their heart to God as well. Truly incredible. I called my best friend (who baptized me by the way, what a meaningful way to be reborn!) to tell him and we were both so filled with joy and awe at the way He works. I also told my ex-boyfriend (I'll call him S from now on), who responded with, "Wow, you are being used by God left and right." Wow is right!

During another conversation, my best friend (who was raised in a very Christian home and has always been deeply faithful) told me that my faith in the Lord has strengthened his own in a powerful way, which I couldn't understand. He told me that he sees me as such a strong, independent person who doesn't accept anything as truth without extensive knowledge of the subject. So seeing me become so strong in faith has given new life to his own faith... somewhere along the lines of, "if even she believes it, it MUST be true!" (You're silly.) That's probably one of the sweetest things I've been told before. What an amazing compliment!

Weeks ago I surrendered my heart to his work and have let him guide me in what I do, and already he has used me to make an impact on those around me that I love so much and care so much about. How exciting it is to be truly filled with His love and sharing it with others!



Lord, all of my thanks and praise go to You and only You! You are incredible beyond words and You alone are worthy of my praise and gratitude. I am so grateful for Your love and devotion and the abundance of blessings you've given me. I am your servant! Please continue to guide me, Lord, in demonstrating to others the love that You give to us and in living in your example. Please continue to shine your blessed light on those who are in the midst of night, so they can be awakened with your Spirit again. Keep us safe and protected in Your love and mercy. Amen.

I see You everywhere, Pt 1

The acceptance of God into my life has made a considerable change on how I view the world and my experiences. Even my friends who haven't acknowledged His truth have seen this in me.

Its really incredible to think that only a few months ago, the same things could have happened to me and I would have written them off as happenstance. My realization that the Lord is behind each and every moment of my life has opened my eyes to everything He is doing with me and around me.

Friday marked the end of a relationship that I wasn't happy in for awhile, but I was patient with. I had been praying constantly on it, because my gut instinct told me that I needed to end it to be happy. But every prayer was answered with a very clear response; wait, give it time. So I kept pleading with God to help him find happiness and fulfillment in His love, and to open his heart the way that He opened mine. I asked God to speak clearly enough to him because I knew he couldn't hear Him anymore. I couldn't get him to come to church with me, and I believed that might be the first step in the process of living with the Lord again. When he came over Friday night to break up with me, I told him about all the things I'd been praying for, and that this didn't feel right. This wasn't the answer I kept getting. He told me sometimes our prayers are answered in ways we don't expect or want. I was crushed.

Two days went by without contacting each other. Sunday night was my baptism, and I had hoped he would come. I sent him the address and time, just in case, but didn't expect his appearance. Just as the service was starting, I got a message from him that he was there.

The service began, and the message was centered around how sometimes we can become dead, dry, and empty. He told us that sometimes it feels as though there is no hope for us, and no salvation. But the Lord can breathe His life into us and make us new again. He referenced the Valley of Dry Bones in Ezekiel 37.

Then he said to me, "Prophesy to these bones and say to them, 'Dry bones, hear the word of the Lord! This is what the Sovereign Lord says to these bones: I will make breath enter you, and you will come to life.'" - Ezekiel 37:4

"Then you, my people. will know that I am the Lord, when I open your graves and bring you up from them. I will put my Spirit in you and you will live, and I will settle you in your own land." - Ezekiel 37:13-14

As much as this service was a celebration of the death of my old self and the birth of my new life with Christ, I sat listening to Isaac's words and thanking God over and over again for having brought my (now ex) boyfriend to church, and for giving to him a sermon that he needed to hear more than anything. I felt so overwhelmed with joy and gratitude in the Lord for answering my prayers that I could hardly contain my smile during the whole service. I say it today and for the rest of my life, God is truly amazing! And since then, his heart seems to have softened to God's grace and he has brought Him back into his life, and has committed to living fully in His word.

He told me very early on in our relationship that as much as he cared about me as his girlfriend, my spirit was most important to him because that was eternal, and our relationship was worldly. I didn't understand fully what that meant, but knew it was a good thing. As our relationship grew, so did my spirit, which is how I have come to where I am today. Through our breakup and the deliverance of his Spirit back into the arms of the Lord, I can easily say that I understand exactly what he meant then, and that I care more about his Spirit than about our worldly relationship too. I love him and I want to be with him, and if it is God's will, we will be together again when his heart is fully restored and renewed in Christ. But as of now, the most important thing to me is supporting him and encouraging him on his journey returning to the Lord, and I pray that I am as helpful to him as he has been to me.

It is an indescribable feeling when you pray so hard for something and you realize that God has heard you, and you can clearly see his response right in front of you. I knew God wasn't going to let him go, and it is such a blessing to be able to witness the remarkable change in his heart.

Safe in God's Hands

On the way to church last night, my best friend and I were involved in a serious accident.

We were going through a big intersection a few blocks from his house, when from our left a man clear ran through his red light at full speed, and we T-Boned him going 50 mph. The airbags went off so I couldn't tell how many times, but my friend's car spun a few times, and the other car ended up on the opposite side of us about 100 feet away, opposite the direction we had been driving and on the concrete center divide.

My friend's door was difficult to open but when he got it open he walked out and helped me out of the passenger side. The other driver was stuck in his car and was extracted by firefighters. Almost immediately there were multiple police cars, fire trucks, and ambulances on the scene. We stood on the sidewalk and answered questions and were checked out by the EMTs. Though shaking, we were both generally fine, with some stinging on our chests from the airbag and seatbelt, and my wrist was bothering me, but we didn't get in an ambulance. The man from the other car seemed extremely disoriented and unclear as to what happened, but physically he was unharmed. We were staring at his mangled car, amazed at how we walked away from such a serious crash. His mom came and picked us up, and we were both really disappointed that we were missing church. We went to get some food and try to get a handle on the situation.

Later, my boyfriend picked me up to take me home but insisted that we go to the hospital first, since my hand and wrist were now swollen and difficult to move. As we were driving he kept saying he had this anxious feeling in his chest and wasn't sure what was wrong with him. He's been having a difficult struggle lately with being with God, and although he knows that what he really needs is to be back with Him, he keeps pushing him away. When I got to the hospital, they did some x-rays and said they couldn't see any fractures, but because of where it was swelling, it was most likely an occult fracture in my "snuffbox," which is the area between the hand and thumb. Fractures are difficult to see in this area, but after calcification they should be able to see it, so I get my cast off next week. As I was being examined, he was sitting in the waiting room watching tv, and when we went to find the remote to change the channel, it was sitting next to a bible. He picked it up and started reading it, which he hasn't done in a long time. By the time I was finished, the anxious feeling in his heart was gone. My best friend also went to the hospital and they told him that he has a radial nerve palsy in his left arm, which basically means he has some pain and numbness in his arm, but it should be ok soon.

Although car accidents are scary and shocking, I know above anything else that my friend and I were so blessed in having walked away from the car. We were stunned and shaking, scared and in pain, but staring at his car, all I could think about was that the Lord had taken such good care of us. It almost made me want to smile. I was standing there and I kept thinking, "thank you. Thank you!"

I believe that this incident happened for a reason. I think that God put us in that place to get something across to us. The whole thing was really miraculous; from our two cars being in the same spot at the same time after the man ignored his red light, to the fact that all three of us walked away from a severe car crash (where most likely, both cars are totaled). From what I understand, a car accident is like a wake up call or a reality check. Maybe a sign to slow down, either literally or figuratively. I wonder if God was trying to tell us something specific, or just wanted to show us that He really is here protecting us. Either way, He has definitely been on my mind, and I don't want to miss His message!

....




Lord, I know You are here with us, and that You were there with us last night, keeping us safe. Thank You thank You THANK YOU for leading us through a traumatic situation with the comfort of Your love and mercy and our physical wellbeing. Thank You for providing for us a way to really experience Your love firsthand. Please help us to heal quickly, so that we may continue in what You have called us to do in our new jobs in salons. Lord, above all, please guide us in understanding Your message! Amen.

He spoke, loud and clear! And I surrendered my heart to Him.

Though apprehensive about going to church for the first time, I woke up Sunday morning with no reservations. I decided I wanted to go that night. Though I still wasn't completely sold on the idea of Christianity, I wanted to go and see if it was right for me, if it spoke to me. If I felt something deep during the service. It was a "give me a sign!" moment.

I went with my best friend. Once we arrived, I felt a little anxious, but it was mostly excitement. I knew I had to open my heart, and not let my head get the best of me. As we walked in, I said to him, "I wonder if I'll see anyone I know." He asked who I meant. "I don't know, anyone." Considering I've lived here for a few years, I figured I would run into someone I've worked with or something.

The message that night was part of a 5 week series on the Song of Solomon, which is a poem about love and sex in the Bible. The series is being taught by Mike Erres, and is called Sex, Love, and God. After singing a bunch of worship songs (very new concept to me), we got down to the message. We translated the scripture and learned the values that God wants for us to have concerning sex. It isn't something to be swept under the rug (and in fact, many churches never teach this book), but something to be celebrated. But God wants us to enjoy and value it to our utmost abilities, when we are with and fully committed to the person who can love us as close to perfectly as possible, so that it can be as special and intimate as it's supposed to be.

He talked about how chances were that most of us had already crossed that line, probably lots of times. But he said we weren't damaged goods. If we were to decide today that we wanted to change, and learn to restrain ourselves even when it's most difficult, we could start over, and God would redeem us and help us to make our hearts pure again, so that one day, we may experience that intimacy and physical love with the right someone.

I looked back on my life, many times feeling as though the pastor was talking directly to me. Though many years ago, I went through a very promiscuous phase while I was living a few hours north where I went to college. I got to a point where the only thing that mattered to me was a little positive attention from the opposite sex; that's all it took. I was a broken person and I thought someone's shallow words were enough to fix me. It would work for the time being, but I would crack a little more every time. I thought, who cares? What does it matter now? I didn't say no to him yesterday, why would I say no to this one today? What was the difference? I'm not hurting anyone.

Well, I was hurting myself. I was inflicting very small, deep wounds on myself that would later take years to heal. But I didn't know it.

Fast forward to the summer before my sophomore year of college. I moved into a house with a bunch of friends, and next door to two boys who were best friends. One of them was the funny, outgoing (and extremely promiscuous) one, and one of them (in my naive, silly 18 year old head, mind you) was the absolute, hands-down man of my dreams. We would hang out, and do trivial things like run errands and watch TV, and it would feel like I'd just had the best day of my life. I thought he was incredible and I fell so hard, in total head over heels, complete infatuation with him.

As you can probably guess, things didn't work out (as mind-altering crushes often don't) and I was (no pun intended) totally crushed. Aside from not feeling the same way about me, he ended up dating my roommate - can you imagine? Not only was I totally heartbroken, but seeing as how he lived next door, I couldn't escape it either. It was horrible.

Soon after, we threw a party. The two boys came, of course, and for whatever reason his best friend was all over me like white on rice; hitting on me, putting his arm around me, you name it. The object of my undying affection even told me to "go for it." And for some reason in my silly, pathetic little head, I thought I might as well. It was the next best thing.

So I went home with him. It was all fun and games, 'til the drunk started to wear off. I looked around the room and realized that I was laying there naked, in the room of the boy I was obsessively crushing on, with the wrong boy. All of a sudden I felt disgusting. I got home and went to sleep, and when I woke up I felt more empty than I ever had before. When I left that morning for work, he was outside and didn't even say hi to me. I wanted to curl up and disappear.

I swore that day to become abstinent. I promised myself that until I was in a committed, healthy, serious relationship for a good length of time, I wasn't going to have sex. Everyone around me, including my closest friends and roommates, laughed and bet money on how long it would last. Well, five years later, I've been with only one person who I was in a serious relationship with for almost two years. And I do feel as though I've redeemed myself.

So back to present day, where I was sitting and listening to a sermon about sex, and about redeeming and restoring ourselves, and no matter what has happened in our pasts we can move on and start anew. We said a prayer, much of which was about letting our guard down and letting Jesus into our hearts, and I felt like it was just for me. It finished with more singing, and everyone started to file out. My friend wanted to talk to the lead pastor, so I told him I would meet him in the lobby.

I felt good about being there, and I had really enjoyed the sermon and felt like I could relate to it on a very personal level, but the experience wasn't groundbreaking. As everyone shuffled out, and I made my way towards the front desk, I caught a glimpse of the boy I had been so madly in love with 5 years ago, who I had lived next to three hours away from here. The boy I hadn't seen since.

I kept walking but my heart was racing. I ran back into the large room and found my best friend, who I pulled aside and gave him a quick rundown of the story. I was shaking. We walked out, and there they were. We talked to them for a second, but I was so overwhelmed I could hardly say anything. They asked me if I go there often, and I told them I'd never been. I asked them if they do, and they said they go once every few months. We said goodbye and left and I was shaking all the way to the car. My friend and I went to get food and I could hardly eat. I felt like crying.

It wasn't out of sadness, but really out of shock. Out of being overwhelmed. If ever there was a sign that I was in a place I was supposed to be (and more importantly, at CHURCH, for the first time in my life) there it was. After a sermon about redeeming ourselves after promiscuity, I literally ran into the reason I stopped having casual sex, sitting in the lobby.

God works in mysterious ways, I know. But there was nothing mysterious about this one. I heard His message loud and clear, and I know He wanted me there for a reason. That was really the breaking point for me; for believing in Him, knowing that He was speaking to me, and that I needed to be exactly where I was.

I know that my life is meant to be with God, and I'm surrendering myself to him to do his work and live by his example. I'm so excited to begin a new life.