So Tired of the Middle

Living life in the middle has been weighing heavily on my mind lately. I've been reassessing a life that has scooted too close to complacency. The same life laid down for the One I love is desperately thirsty for a drink of Living Water. My daily prayer is that God would stir up my embers, and get my fire roaring again.
I read a book recently called "Crazy Love." Its one of those books that you get so into that you believe everyone you know, no matter what situation they are in, needs to read it.
I've been packing and listening to music, thinking, praying; this song came on, and sums up my heart better than I could.



Somewhere In The Middle - Casting Crowns

Somewhere between the hot and the cold
Somewhere between the new and the old
Somewhere between who I am and who I used to be
Somewhere in the middle, You'll find me

Somewhere between the wrong and the right
Somewhere between the darkness and the light
Somewhere between who I was and who You're making me
Somewhere in the middle, You'll find me

Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control

Fearless warriors in a picket fence, reckless abandon wrapped in common sense
Deep water faith in the shallow end and we are caught in the middle
With eyes wide open to the differences, the God we want and the God who is
But will we trade our dreams for His or are we caught in the middle
Are we caught in the middle

Somewhere between my heart and my hands
Somewhere between my faith and my plans
Somewhere between the safety of the boat and the crashing waves

Somewhere between a whisper and a roar
Somewhere between the altar and the door
Somewhere between contented peace and always wanting more
Somewhere in the middle You'll find me

Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control

Lord, I feel You in this place and I know You're by my side
Loving me even on these nights when I'm caught in the middle


"A man by his sin may waste himself, which is to waste that which on earth is most like God. This is man's greatest tragedy and God's heaviest grief." -AW Tozer



A godly man reminded me today that to not be satisfied with whatever we've been given is to sin, and likewise to not follow where God leads, and instead choose what is safe and comfortable is sin.

I'm challenged to put on my blindfold and listen to His voice lead me through whatever meadow or minefield he has for me.

Confusedly Obedient

I had a vision this morning.

That fact alone is very unusual, but in the few instances God has given me a vision, it has been an answer to a question I keep praying about, and usually an affirmation of our relationship in some symbolic form.

But today, the vision was of a particular exit (Red Hill) off of a particular freeway (the 5 North). It's a freeway I drive on maybe once every 3-4 months, and I've never taken this exit. I didn't know what was there or have any idea why God would take me there. All I knew was that I felt very compelled to go there, and I couldn't get it out of my mind.

I mulled it over for about an hour before I talked myself into getting in my car and driving up there, just to see. I reasoned that I would drive up and if there didn't seem to be a reason, then I would get Chick-Fil-A (at Jamboree, the exit just before the one I was headed to) and go home.

On my way there, I considered the possibilities - I knew there is a Christian dinner theater in the area somewhere, maybe they were having auditions today? Maybe there was someone with a flat tire that needed help? Maybe I would run into someone I knew? I had plenty of time to think about it during the 20 minute drive.

As I came up to Jamboree (the exit just before) I considered getting off to go straight to lunch, starting to feel kind of silly for having driven there in the first place. But there was still a tugging to just go one more.

As I merged into the right lane to exit at Red Hill, I looked to my right where my vision had led me to and I saw a big billboard over a building that said "CHURCH & THE ARTS." I came up to the building and saw that it was a Christian Thrift Store. I pulled into the parking lot and spent almost an hour browsing the aisles. I found a cd called "the INVITATION" and a book called "The Gift for All People," which I bought for my mom. I found the only expansion pack I don't have for a game I've been playing a LOT (read: too much) lately. And I found some cute seersucker shorts that are perfect for Israel.

I finally arrived at the counter with my items, happy to support the store but regretting spending money when I don't have an income. I asked the man how much my total was and found that it was 50% off everything today - my total came to $4.87. What a deal!

I told the man my story and he was excited like I was. I asked if they had serving or donation needs, and he said just prayer for the store and the pastor who owns it and is very sick.

As much as I had no idea where I was going or why I was going when I was on my way there, I've spent the rest of the day smiling, knowing that God sent me on a tiny mission today. And the greatest joy is knowing that he rewards obedience with more direction. I'm looking forward to more outings with my Shepard. :)

Fears Left Unfixed

Daughter of Zion is lying crying in the mist
Morning light slips in, shifting through the darkness
Like a mourning wife reminisces, having visions of her long gone prince
Memories drip rain drops, tip towing emptiness
Intermixed with tears like fears left unfixed
Walls worn thin frozen fortress like dawn
Waiting for the sunrise of a day that got skipped
Like a life gone wrong wandering wilderness
Lovesick stripped abyss empty once luscious

-Matisyahu