A Simple Guide for Behavior

Don't pick on people, jump on their failures, criticize their faults - unless, of course, you want the same treatment. That critical spirit has a way of boomeranging. It's easy to see a smudge on your neighbor's face and be oblivious to the ugly sneer on your own. Do you have the nerve to say, "Let me wash your face for you," when your own face is distorted by contempt? It's this whole traveling road-show mentality all over again, playing a holier-than-thou part instead of just living your part. Wipe that ugly sneer off your own face, and you might be fit to offer a washcloth to your neighbor.

Don't be flip with the sacred. Throwing around the "right answers" with a shallow heart give no honor to God. Don't reduce holy mysteries to slogans. In trying to be relevant, you're only being cute and inviting sacrilege.

Here is a simple, rule of thumb guide for behavior: Ask yourself what you want people to do for you, then grab the initiative and do it for them. Add up the word of God and the natural moral code and this is what you get.

The Gift of Good Love

This Sunday was the third installment of the series entitled, Sex, Love, & God, entitled The Gift. Mike Erres described how the bible shows us that sex is in fact a great thing, and it's not something that is sinful, as long as it is done at the right time with the right person. As he described, God intended for us to be able to be sexual beings, as we were originally naked and unashamed. As he says, "we were sexual before we were sinful." Over time, sexuality evolved into something that was no longer used properly, and we have gotten so far away from the way real love should be expressed.

In Song of Solomon, the two lovers grow closer and more crazy about each other, but restrain themselves and vow not to "arouse or awaken love" until it is time. Finally, the two get married and get to demonstrate their love for each other the way it was intended, and it shows that it was well worth it. Sex is holy, and is a gift from God.

"How beautiful you are my darling.
Your eyes behind your veil are doves. Your hair is like a flock of goats,
descending from Mt. Gilead. Your teeth are like a flock of sheep just shorn;
coming up from the washing, each has it's twin. Not one of them is alone.
Your lips are like a scarlet ribbon, your mouth is lovely.
Your temples behind your veil are like a pomegranate.
Your neck is like the tower of David, built with elegance.
On it hang a thousand shields, all of them shields of warriors."
Songs 4:1-4:6

When the Lover and the Beloved get married, on the night of their wedding, love can finally be "aroused and awakened," but he doesn't rush her. He doesn't coerce her or push her. He woos her, beginning at her head and working down, he describes to her how she is perfect. Every detail affirms that he loves everything about her.

When we wait until we can commit our lives and our hearts to someone, we can finally experience the kind of love, both emotionally and physically, that the Lord intended for us. Romantic, sensual, life-giving love is the way that God gives us the ability for two to become one flesh.

As Mikes tells us, this amazing, romantic interaction shouldn't just be during the honeymoon. This kind of connection should continue throughout the course of the marriage. Even as a married couple, our jobs are to please each other to show each other that kind of love. We cannot demand it, as that wouldn't be honoring each other. We need to always approach the situation with respect and love, no matter how long we have been together.

It's incredible to know that God has a plan for us, even on a sexuality level. It's reassuring to think about the fact that there are such big benefits to following His wishes, because on the other side there are much more satisfying blessings. Though physically it's something that tempts now, if we wait we will be a million times more fulfilled.

Knowing and learning these things has strengthened my convictions about preserving my sexuality for the right time. Though I've known for a long time that sex should be reserved for a healthy, serious relationship, I know now that means that waiting until the night of my wedding will bring so much more satisfaction than anything else. Even now in my current relationship, we both agree that we need to reserve the physical side of love for the future. God has our best in mind and though its a struggle, we aren't arousing or awakening love until it so desires. Despite the difficulty, I so look forward to the benefit of pure, safe, holy physical love with my mate, if or when that day comes.



Lord, I pray that you will help us through the struggle of preserving ourselves until its time for us to express our love physically. I ask that You guide me in making the right decisions and living by Your word. Please help us to strengthen our relationship in all other facets so that one day we may reach that point of intimacy. I trust in Your intentions. God, please grant us the blessings you intend for us. Amen.


Rob Bell's "Flame"
Let our love be all three flames, burning together.

He spoke, loud and clear! And I surrendered my heart to Him.

Though apprehensive about going to church for the first time, I woke up Sunday morning with no reservations. I decided I wanted to go that night. Though I still wasn't completely sold on the idea of Christianity, I wanted to go and see if it was right for me, if it spoke to me. If I felt something deep during the service. It was a "give me a sign!" moment.

I went with my best friend. Once we arrived, I felt a little anxious, but it was mostly excitement. I knew I had to open my heart, and not let my head get the best of me. As we walked in, I said to him, "I wonder if I'll see anyone I know." He asked who I meant. "I don't know, anyone." Considering I've lived here for a few years, I figured I would run into someone I've worked with or something.

The message that night was part of a 5 week series on the Song of Solomon, which is a poem about love and sex in the Bible. The series is being taught by Mike Erres, and is called Sex, Love, and God. After singing a bunch of worship songs (very new concept to me), we got down to the message. We translated the scripture and learned the values that God wants for us to have concerning sex. It isn't something to be swept under the rug (and in fact, many churches never teach this book), but something to be celebrated. But God wants us to enjoy and value it to our utmost abilities, when we are with and fully committed to the person who can love us as close to perfectly as possible, so that it can be as special and intimate as it's supposed to be.

He talked about how chances were that most of us had already crossed that line, probably lots of times. But he said we weren't damaged goods. If we were to decide today that we wanted to change, and learn to restrain ourselves even when it's most difficult, we could start over, and God would redeem us and help us to make our hearts pure again, so that one day, we may experience that intimacy and physical love with the right someone.

I looked back on my life, many times feeling as though the pastor was talking directly to me. Though many years ago, I went through a very promiscuous phase while I was living a few hours north where I went to college. I got to a point where the only thing that mattered to me was a little positive attention from the opposite sex; that's all it took. I was a broken person and I thought someone's shallow words were enough to fix me. It would work for the time being, but I would crack a little more every time. I thought, who cares? What does it matter now? I didn't say no to him yesterday, why would I say no to this one today? What was the difference? I'm not hurting anyone.

Well, I was hurting myself. I was inflicting very small, deep wounds on myself that would later take years to heal. But I didn't know it.

Fast forward to the summer before my sophomore year of college. I moved into a house with a bunch of friends, and next door to two boys who were best friends. One of them was the funny, outgoing (and extremely promiscuous) one, and one of them (in my naive, silly 18 year old head, mind you) was the absolute, hands-down man of my dreams. We would hang out, and do trivial things like run errands and watch TV, and it would feel like I'd just had the best day of my life. I thought he was incredible and I fell so hard, in total head over heels, complete infatuation with him.

As you can probably guess, things didn't work out (as mind-altering crushes often don't) and I was (no pun intended) totally crushed. Aside from not feeling the same way about me, he ended up dating my roommate - can you imagine? Not only was I totally heartbroken, but seeing as how he lived next door, I couldn't escape it either. It was horrible.

Soon after, we threw a party. The two boys came, of course, and for whatever reason his best friend was all over me like white on rice; hitting on me, putting his arm around me, you name it. The object of my undying affection even told me to "go for it." And for some reason in my silly, pathetic little head, I thought I might as well. It was the next best thing.

So I went home with him. It was all fun and games, 'til the drunk started to wear off. I looked around the room and realized that I was laying there naked, in the room of the boy I was obsessively crushing on, with the wrong boy. All of a sudden I felt disgusting. I got home and went to sleep, and when I woke up I felt more empty than I ever had before. When I left that morning for work, he was outside and didn't even say hi to me. I wanted to curl up and disappear.

I swore that day to become abstinent. I promised myself that until I was in a committed, healthy, serious relationship for a good length of time, I wasn't going to have sex. Everyone around me, including my closest friends and roommates, laughed and bet money on how long it would last. Well, five years later, I've been with only one person who I was in a serious relationship with for almost two years. And I do feel as though I've redeemed myself.

So back to present day, where I was sitting and listening to a sermon about sex, and about redeeming and restoring ourselves, and no matter what has happened in our pasts we can move on and start anew. We said a prayer, much of which was about letting our guard down and letting Jesus into our hearts, and I felt like it was just for me. It finished with more singing, and everyone started to file out. My friend wanted to talk to the lead pastor, so I told him I would meet him in the lobby.

I felt good about being there, and I had really enjoyed the sermon and felt like I could relate to it on a very personal level, but the experience wasn't groundbreaking. As everyone shuffled out, and I made my way towards the front desk, I caught a glimpse of the boy I had been so madly in love with 5 years ago, who I had lived next to three hours away from here. The boy I hadn't seen since.

I kept walking but my heart was racing. I ran back into the large room and found my best friend, who I pulled aside and gave him a quick rundown of the story. I was shaking. We walked out, and there they were. We talked to them for a second, but I was so overwhelmed I could hardly say anything. They asked me if I go there often, and I told them I'd never been. I asked them if they do, and they said they go once every few months. We said goodbye and left and I was shaking all the way to the car. My friend and I went to get food and I could hardly eat. I felt like crying.

It wasn't out of sadness, but really out of shock. Out of being overwhelmed. If ever there was a sign that I was in a place I was supposed to be (and more importantly, at CHURCH, for the first time in my life) there it was. After a sermon about redeeming ourselves after promiscuity, I literally ran into the reason I stopped having casual sex, sitting in the lobby.

God works in mysterious ways, I know. But there was nothing mysterious about this one. I heard His message loud and clear, and I know He wanted me there for a reason. That was really the breaking point for me; for believing in Him, knowing that He was speaking to me, and that I needed to be exactly where I was.

I know that my life is meant to be with God, and I'm surrendering myself to him to do his work and live by his example. I'm so excited to begin a new life.