Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Protect, Trust, Hope, and Persevere

I keep finding myself back at this place, where the struggle between my boyfriend and I is so great that I question why it is that I'm still here. I know the easy road would be to turn away and cut ties. The difficult one is the one I keep choosing, though. My gut keeps telling me to break up with him and move on, because it isn't good and I deserve more than what I'm getting. But I keep praying to God for him to get through the rough time he's having and for the strength to be here to support him if that's what I need to do. I keep asking God what I should do; if I should leave him and move on, because it sure feels like it. Despite the feeling in my head, I keep getting the response that I need to give it time, and that I need to wait. Going against the Lord's wishes never got anyone anywhere.

So I am here, fighting for us. I do it because I know deep down he's a one in a million, and because I know he's capable of the kind of love I have searched for. I know he has all the key components that I've wanted in a mate. I know when I met him he made me feel validated in who I am, and important, and smart, and beautiful. And above all else, he opened my heart and led me to God. He's changed my life. I think there is something much deeper going on here than a brief dating relationship.

A large part of our conflict I think is due to the struggles he is having in his own life. Although it is so hard sometimes, I can't justify leaving in his time of need. A lot of the time now I don't feel all those things that he made me feel originally. But I want to believe that this is a rough stretch and that we'll get through it. I want to believe that if I was having a hard time, he would stick around and be supportive of me, too. I think love can save a person. And I love him, even when I don't like him.

I'm reminding myself of this verse from Corinthians.

1Cr 13:4

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.

1Cr 13:5

It is not rude, it is not self‑seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

1Cr 13:6

Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

1Cr 13:7

It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

1Cr 13:8

Love never fails.

Lord, please let my love never fail. Let it protect us and not lose hope for us. Help me to see clearly what we can do to strengthen our bond and heal our relationship. Help us to love each other as much like You love us as we can. Please remind him of how much You love him, so he can love himself again. Restore our hearts for you and for each other. Amen.

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