Saturday, November 15, 2008

Once Was Lost, But Now I'm Found.

To step out of your comfort zone when you feel as though God has called you to something different takes a ton of trust and faith... in not only him, but in your own ability to know what his will is. There have been so many instances of this lately, and though they've been everything ranging from unusual to almost overwhelmingly intimidating, the Lord has again and again proven to be so completely faithful in leading me safely through and the outcome is better than anything I could have thought up or planned out myself.

So tonight, I had plans to hang out with a friend of mine in San Diego. The plan was to have a relaxed night at her house, which I was in the mood for, but when we talked this afternoon there was a possible change in plans that meant she would be coming up here instead, and we'd be going with some friends of hers I hadn't met, to a bar I haven't been to in a long time. I wanted to hang out with her and I didn't want to be a hassle, so I agreed, though it wasn't what I had hoped or planned for.

I came home from work and laid on my bed and thought up a slew of valid reasons why I wasn't going to go. Aside from my foul mood and lack of energy, I've made an intentional effort to step out of the drinking/bar scene recently, and I didn't feel the desire to be back there. But something in me told me I really needed to go, so I dragged myself off the bed and got ready. It didn't seem to make sense that God would call me to go out to a bar when he's called me to do very much the opposite. I didn't want to drink and wasn't in the mood to chat with new people, but cheered up when I met her friends and settled in. We had a nice conversation (and some delicious chicken strips) but honestly spent most of the time wondering why I had felt so strongly that I was called to be there. I started doubting my ability to "test and approve" what God's will is, and my own faith in myself.

It wasn't until we were paying our bill and getting ready to leave that whatever we were talking about reminded her friend (one who I had just met) of her roommate, and all the things she's struggling with and the mess she's in. Most of this girl's story could have been my own testimony. It hit me so hard to hear how broken she is, knowing exactly what that pain feels like. I knew I needed to do something, so when we walked to our cars I gave her my information and asked her to pass it on to her roommate.

I don't know if she'll give it to her or what her roommate's reaction will be, but I believe with all my heart that if there is anybody who can understand fully where she is and see her without condemnation, but with love and the knowledge that even the most broken heart can be put back together and the emptiest places can be filled, it's me. God doesn't waste anything, and he shows me constantly that even my most painful pieces have very important purposes.

See that you do not look down on one of these little ones. For I tell you that their angels in heaven always see the face of my Father in heaven. What do you think? If a man owns a hundred sheep, and one of them wanders away, will he not leave the ninety-nine on the hills and go to look for the one that wandered off?And if he finds it, I tell you the truth, he is happier about that one sheep than about the ninety-nine that did not wander off.

In the same way
your Father in heaven

is not willing that any
of these
little ones
should be lost.

Matthew 18:10-14

I started crying as soon as I got in my car (if you know me, you know the significance of tears) and I prayed for this girl the whole way home, and my heart just continues to break for her. I don't know her name or what she's doing right now (she's out of town), but I have a clear idea of what to pray for.

I would appreciate immensely if you would help me pray for her - that God would invade and fill in every part of her life; that he would heal and soothe all of the emotional and physical scars, that he would be her wall of fire and protect her from those influences that make her feel worthless and empty and encourage her to self destruct; that he would meet her in a tangible way right where she is that she couldn't avoid or deny; that he would speak to her in her dreams; that he would surround her with positive, loving and encouraging influences, who would show her how loved and valuable she is; that she would have the courage to contact and meet with me; and that the Holy Spirit would give me the right words and be a guiding presence in our interaction.

There are many more. I could go on. I can't describe how heavily this is on my heart.

For the Son of Man came to seek and to save what was lost.
Heavenly Father, you are so faithful in your promises and in your protection. I am so thankful for how you are continuously shaping me and giving me the courage to be obedient, even when I can't make sense of it or am overcome with fear and doubt. I know you don't give us more than we can handle, and I'm so thankful that you entrust me with so much. I am so grateful for this heart you've given me, and for the life you've led me through - each and every piece of it. You've gone before me Lord, and I trust you completely. Thank you for redeeming and renewing me the way you have and continue to. In Jesus' loving and forgiving name, Amen.

1 comment:

-eve- said...

you're doing good. will pray. cling on to your faith - you're an inspiration.. :-)